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What’s Difficult?

Posted May 16 2013 11:47pm

Today’s #BlogEveryDayInMay prompt: Something difficult about your “lot in life” and how you’re working to overcome it

Sigh… I almost decided I didn’t want to do this post. Today I’m feeling somewhat overwhelmed. Not as overwhelmed as yesterday. Last night I took the time to do a hatha yoga practice on YogaDownload.com and that helped immensely. I really need to find/make time to do yoga more regularly. I have a subscription to YogaDownload, so that’s to encourage myself to keep a yoga practice in my life. So the yoga last night helped, then this morning my boss canceled our 8am meeting and I literally jumped out of my desk chair and yelled “Woo hoo!” and took my lunch hour at 8am to go run; another thing that helped me feel better.

So I guess those reactions are things that kind of refer to difficulties in my life. Depression, anxiety and emotional distress… things that have all gotten worse the older I get.

As a kid I was very high-strung and things would stress me out so much I would get sick. In elementary we had to do timed times table tests (that’s a lot of T’s), even though I knew my times tables having a clock ticking terrified me. One time my dad’s truck rolled down the hill in the night (parking brake issue, I believe) and after it was repaired, for about a week I would wake up in the night and go look to make sure it hadn’t rolled away. Weird little things that a kid shouldn’t have to worry about caused me anxiety.

As I’ve gotten older it’s gone to a new level. I feel stress and anxiety over nearly everything in life. I can over-analyze a situation to death. For example, I am registered for a race this weekend. I spent hours with thoughts rattling around in my head about how stupid I was for signing up to do it. I started to talk to my husband last night, “I’m signed up for a race this weekend. It starts at 7 AM. It’s about 40 minutes away from home. So to get my packet and stuff before the race, I need to leave around 5:45 AM at the latest.”

“Okay.”

“But that means I will have to pump so you can feed the baby. I won’t be able to feed her her first meal of the day.”

“Okay.”

“And I hope I can be home in time for her next feeding, but I may be late for that.”

“Okay.”

Somehow these things become monumental issues in my brain and he doesn’t see them as issues at all. Hell, maybe he’s looking forward to spending a few hours with the baby. Even if he says stuff about how the baby has to sleep in because it’s the weekend and she can’t interrupt his sleep; which adds to my guilty feelings!

My work has been busy busy busy lately and that adds to my stress levels. Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time with multiple IM windows open answering a multitude of random questions from multiple people, I can’t focus anymore. So I’ll set my status to “Busy” so I can just focus on a single task for a while, yet that makes me feel guilty!

I used to go see a therapist regularly to help cope, but since having the baby I haven’t been to see her. Her office is too far away, on the opposite side of town. It takes nearly an hour to drive there, thus I’d be out about 3 hours just to chat with her for an hour. “Ain’t Nobody Got Time For that!”

I think trying to do yoga regularly will help me. Trying to remember to take deep breaths and relax might help. And the running equivalent of a Finding Nemo line…

Keep calm and just keep running

Blog Every Day In May #BlogEveryDayInMay

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