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Weight-Loss Goal Reassessment + Confessions of A Sugar Addict!

Posted Oct 18 2008 2:35pm



Well, it looks like, at the rate I'm going, I'm probably not going to meet my original goal of losing 15 lbs. by 3/31/08, so I've modified the goal to losing 10 lbs. by that same date. That's still possibly stretching it a bit, but maybe I've got some hope in hell of achieving it. Heheheheheh.

Right now, this goal is extra challenging due to a particularly higher-than-normal stress level. With regard to my eating, I'm doing OK, just not great, that's all. But I know I can't expect to lose weight/body fat the way I've been eating lately.

Maybe instead of displaying the rather tame-looking photo of a scale which appears at the top of this post, it'd be more appropriate to post pictures of all of the naughty, sugary things I've been eating lately! ;-) Except that then this blog entry would contain nothing but pictures with long stretches of blank space. And permeating the air would be a long and uncomfortable, static silence, pierced by the occasional interjection of white noise from the blogosphere, & the hissing punctured sound of plenty of hot air leaking directly from me! ;-)

As I was just telling Abi, I can relate to what she's been going through, as I've been having similarly intense hunger pangs & have also succumbed to some not-so-saintly eating as of late. ;-)

And now, for a partial disclosure of this week's highlights of my most infamous dietary horror of horrors, brought to you by yours truly! Brace yourself, it's not a pretty site:

For starters, I blew my weekend-only "sugar rule" right out of the water tonight. Yet AGAIN. The whole messy problem started with some red & black licorice nibbling (OK, innocent enough! Zero fat too!) on Saturday & Sunday, and then progressed to a complete sugar "drought" on Monday (which was excruciating! -- insert image here of me scouring cupboards & coming up empty, then eating a grapefruit as an temporary substitute!). I then moved on to some Hot Tamale snacking on Tuesday (just a handful or two, or three!). By Wednesday (i.e., yesterday), I was an absolute wreck, as the sugar beasties had gotten hold of my better nature & completely capsized my best intentions, and drove me over the deep end.

So what did I do tonight? Evil little me, wrested from my usual calm harbor of regulated blood sugar, I sent Erik on a grocery run to pick up ingredients to bake Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies!

And boy, was I craving chocolate like nobody's business!

No need to go into the reasons why (just use your imagination!), but by the end of this evening, I was in the throes of a full-on sugar high, and was completely and gleefully unapologetic about the error of my ways. Hey, it was probably just the sugar talking, OK?! ;-)

The only thing I can say in my defense was atleast some part of me, (that is, the minuscule, remaining part that hadn't yet been seized by this sugar-induced frenzy), had the common sense to "plan" in advance to "only" eat 4 cookies. And atleast it didn't get too out of hand -- I did in fact eat exactly 4 cookies, & er, well, one or two small forkfuls of batter. ;-) And then I put the rest of the batter in a plastic bag, & shoved it in the freezer really quickly! ;-)

Ironically, ole' big eyes here became stuffed after eating cookie number 3 & those few small forkfuls of batter! I probably should've stopped at number 3, but somehow, I managed to stuff in the last cookie, swallowing it down with some milk.

Like how I put that? Maybe I should just call it what it was -- a pre-planned "cookie attack"! ;-)

It's not like I needed any more convincing that refined sugar is EVIL incarnate. OK, I honestly already knew that. While it surely tastes good, it also happens to age people faster (i.e., has to do with a related increase of free-radicals & how that affects your skin, etc., etc.) & frequently makes people moody son-of-a-guns. (Or rather, some real *bleepity-bleep-bleeps*!!!!)

And it's certainly my own personal weakness. That, and salty-sweet foods.

Like salt, a person requires more & more of the substance over time to get the same effects; what once tasted way too strong now tastes "just right." I remember as a teenager doing an experiment in 9th grade biology class in which we tasted various concentrations of salt & sugar. Back then, I could immediately taste the lower concentrations before most other people in my group -- I guess I can thank my mother for that (i.e., my mother made sure our diets were very low in sugar & salt). While my salt-intake is still fairly low, I hate to see how I'd rank on the sugar sensitivity meter if I took that test today! ;-)

And like it or not, it's been found that refined sugar has addictive properties which are very similar to other legal "drugs" like caffeine or nicotine. It's like crack cocaine for sweet-tooths. Next thing you know you'll look over your shoulder & see people next to you freebasing Pixie Sticks on a mirrored surface. Hahahaha!

If sugar is the devil, then stress is its trigger-happy partner-in-crime! Add the resulting irregular eating & sleeping patterns to the mix, and you've got yourself a major internal meltdown! And of course, there you have a not-so-lovely picture of my nutritional week-in-review. Thank goodness I'm exercising & otherwise eating healthfully, or I don't know what would've become of me! ;-) But the cumulative effective of these unsteady & inconsistent eating behaviors clearly still falls short of expectation.

And, as a direct result of this, from as early as 11/10/07, my weight & body fat have been bobbing up & down, around the same set point for over 2 months now! From the set point, I've lost as much as 4 lbs. & 3.7% body fat, and then have gained it right back again. I've lost & gained this weight back & forth, like a freakin' seesaw.

Although I haven't weighed myself recently, all I have to do is look in the mirror or feel how my pants fit to know that I'm probably right back up there again. Ugh.

Well, atleast I still fit into my jeans (!) or rather, have a few inches of room to spare there. My favorite pair is still a bit big on me, so I'll have to get them tailored. However, there's no point in doing that now, as I want to wait until I lose the remainder of the weight. And of course there's no sense in having them tailored twice! ;-) In reality, I probably need to buy a few interim pairs in one size down, but for now, I can get by on what I have.

The funny thing is that I have a few pairs of pants in my "endpoint" size, which are currently sitting in my closet, but of course they are one size too small. (They're probably mocking me right now as I write this!) I feel like I'm in the midst of the dramatic tale of Goldielocks & The Three Bears. Except that the "just right" size requires me to lose about 15 more pounds! ;-)

Well, in case you haven't guessed it by now, it looks like the Gemini twin you are used to encountering -- "Can-Do Corey," i.e., the calm & sensible one -- has left the building, and has been replaced by her evil twin, "Eve Black-Licorice," who's out in full-force today, people! She's a real badass, & is completely unpredictable. When she comes out to play, you can count on her ransacking this blog & wreaking havoc on any preconceived notions you might have about the author. And she does it all with complete and reckless abandon, serving up some rather pointed, no-bull, in-yo'-face reality-checks & cheeky little commentaries! While there's a certain amount of freedom & joy to be found in such mayhem, the author would rather not claim responsibility for what this alter-ego does during her reign of blog-tastrophic terror. ;-)

It is the author's undiluted and honest opinion that sometimes, "Eve Black-Licorice" frankly saves this blog from turning into one gigantic lecture podium, as she could be credited as the one who writes the truly fun posts, turning this blog upside down with a vengeance, while her goodie-two-shoes twin is off somewhere, probably taking herself way too seriously, and is frankly being a complete, uptight stiff. ;-) There, that'll show her!

Well, this has all been very well & good to write about myself in the third person & make you wonder if my sanity has also left the building, along with my seriousness. ;-) But now that the sugar high has died down & I've regained consciousness (or should that be a conscience, dietarily-speaking!), it's time to ponder how to get myself out of this sugar-trap nightmare that has gone on for far too many days thus far. I think that I might have to lock myself in a room & go cold turkey on the sugar consumption for a while! LOL.

Wish me luck! Is that the sugar demons I hear once more at the gates, beating down my door?! Let's hope not! I think that might be my other twin, trying to get back in. ;-)

Visions of sugar plum fairies, dancing in my head,
Make them go away, before I lose my nutritional street cred!
They hoo and they haw, and they make quiet a racket
But keep listening to them, & you'll have sized up a jacket!
They sprinkle their decadent magic, taking aim at my diet,
So beware you little sugar beasties, you'd better leave me in quiet!
I'll do my best to fend off their advances,
Like a persistent admirer, they are really pushing their chances.
So do you know what happens to those who end up in a disastrous sugar fog?
They end up confessing all their food sins, like me, on their blog!

Goodnight! Hope you enjoyed that little rant & subsequent spur-of-the-moment poem......
-C

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