This week's Wednesday Wisdom post is brought to you by the fantabulous Born to Plod. If you haven't checked out his blog yet, you better hurry over there right this second. Well, not right this second, but right after reading his guest post. Then GO!
Jay is probably the only blogger out there (and I read a lotta blogs!) who consistently makes me LOL (yes, laugh out loud, like, literally!). A few times I've almost been busted doing so in the office with my boss sitting across the room. Anyhoo, here he is, with yet another incredibly insightful and important life lesson. Enjoy.
Firstly, I’m almost definitely not Jen. Now, before you start worrying that your computer has been infiltrated by dastardly hackers hell-bent on filling your screen with boobies and unsolicited adverts for speedboat insurance, let me reassure you that this is still Jen’s fab blog, Two Itchy Feet. It’s just that I’m not her, I’m Jay. I normally hang around in my own blog ( Born to Plod ) but we’ve got workmen round at the moment varnishing all the dado rails and installing a new bidet, so Jen’s kindly invited me over here to write a guest post.
I should probably warn you, I’ve never done a guest post before and didn’t even know what one was until Jen told me. I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to pretend to be Jen, or maybe pose as a celebrity guest, such as Haile Gebrselassie or Bono. But no, it turns out I’m just supposed to be plain old me, so don’t be surprised if this vaguely-running-related post quickly spirals into a rant about penguins.
So, onto the post…
Runner or Rapper?
Look, I know this topic has been done to death, but I’m doing it anyway. So much time is spent worrying about whether someone is a runner or a rapper that I think we’ll all agree that there’s always room for clarification. I keep writing letters to Runners World magazine, asking that they make a regular monthly feature of it, but they must have all got lost in the post.
So, without further ado, let’s have a look at the key indicators that will tell us if the person we’re looking at is a fellow jogger, or one of those hippety hop types…
RapperRunner Hat Yes. With New York Yankees logo. Yes. With lights. Shoes Sporty Sporty Bling Yes Yes Hand gestures Yes. Mostly spelling postcodes via the medium of fingers Yes. Mostly waving at fellow runners. Pockets full of… Cash Jelly babies & anti-chafe products “Wave your hands in the air like…” “you just don’t care” “you’re acknowledging a marshal’s carefully worded safety instructions” Or “you’re being chased by a bear” (although this rhymes, so the whole rapper/runner thing just got a bit more confusing) Mode of transport Big armour-plated car that bounces up and down and has a Jacuzzi on the roof. Varies, but will always have muddy trainers in the boot, and old race numbers in the glove box. Well-publicised rivalry with someone who has a silly name? Possibly Not so much Communication style Rhymes Breathlessly panted half-sentences Most likely to spend their Sunday mornings… Waking up in a 700-bedroom mansion, in a bed made entirely of leggy porn-stars and sellotape Legging it round miles of muddy fields and then high-fiving a stranger who just gave you a banana Excited at the prospect of new developments in wicking fabric technology? Rarely Visibly Guns? Yes. Waved around in music videos. Yes. Fired in the air by Nigel’s Dad to signal the start of a club race Sweariness Frequent and colourful Frequent and colourful …but only when they pop a blister or miss a PB by two seconds. Relationship with the local constabulary Less than cordial Depends if you happen to be jogging away from the sound of a car alarm. Tends to be worse if someone has written “SWAG” on your Camelbak for a laugh.
So, I hope that’s cleared things up once and for all. In fact, I might make this into a regular feature…
Jogger or Llama?
Fell-runner or Dentist?
Triathlete or Breville Sandwich Toaster?
For more of this nonsense, have a look at my blog, or chase after me on Twitter @borntoplodblog .