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The Carnival of Running #56 – Best of 2009 Edition

Posted Dec 30 2009 5:00am

Welcome to the 56th edition of The Carnival of Running!

After a full year of carnivals, it’s time to take a look back and revisit the best of 2009, beginning with Running Is Funny’s favorite video of the year:

I’ve limited myself to using items that still have active web links.

Headline of the week goes to the National Post for “Never Underestimate the Sensitivity of Nipples”. I know I don’t. And sometimes I even think about it while running.

Not to be outdone, The Running Moron composes his own nipples haiku. By the way, Nipples Haiku would be a good name for a rock band. Or a Japanese stripper. Or a Dick Tracy villain.

You’ve heard of the Iditarod. Now check out the Idiotarod.

Running is hard enough, but can you do it while carrying more than 27 pounds of potatoes?

All those goodies are a treat for runners, but if you overdo it, you risk missing out on the best part of being a runner, according to the Scottish Daily Record, which is that “jogging together can lead to a hot sex life and better body image”. Just eating dessert together works pretty well, too.

Here’s a short article on the Bare Buns 5k at a nudist ranch in Texas. Running nude is encouraged, but not required. Here’s something you don’t find in the small print of too many race brochures: Everyone who enters the ranch has to undergo a sexual predator and criminal background check.

Great video here of the Monument Avenue 10k, particularly the guy who won the costume contest by running the race dressed as Indiana Jones being chased by a giant boulder.

You’ve heard of the Krispy Kreme Challenge, but another race features the imbibing of milkshakes, including handicaps for various flavors such as caramel cheesecake peanut butter fudge brownie. Key quote from runner Jared Bowman: “I knew I wouldn’t be as fast as Stephane or Fred. But I ended up with a six-minute bonus due to the grossness of my milkshake.”

Here’s a story from Rochester, Minnesota, I’m ashamed to say I found hilarious:

“Police officers in Rochester have found a missing Med-City Marathon runner after issuing several emergency alerts on the radio.

“Officers tell us that they received a report of a disoriented and possibly lost runner who may have been suffering from heat stroke.

“When she didn’t cross the finish line, they were worried for her safety and launched a city-wide search.

“The 27-year-old woman was found less than a half hour later when she crossed the finish line.”

A running-themed joke took second place in a Scottish one-liner contest. Here it is: “I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’.” And that’s why there are so many great Scottish comedians.

Brett’s column led me to BeerMile.com, where I discovered that the beverage originally consumed in one of these races was, naturally, beer. That’s awesome enough, but what blew me away was the list of other variations of the beer mile, like:

* The 3000m Vodka Steeplechase
* The Soda/Pop Mile
* The Rubik’s Cube Mile (solve a cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter, cube, quarter)
* The Ben and Jerry’s 4×4 (4 pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream – 300+ calories/serving, 4 miles)
* The Bicentennial (100 beers, 100 miles, any order)
* The Renaissance Mile (1 mile, solve a Rubik’s cube, drink a 40oz of malt liquor, dunk a basketball on a 10′ rim, play Chopin’s Minute Waltz, eat a pint of ice cream, any order)

French President Nicolas Sarkozy passed out after a run in the heat, prompting a lot of uninformed commentary about running. But as a former military historian, I’ve been explaining to people that running and fainting is a job requirement for a French commander-in-chief.

The Mugwumps 10k in Anchorage, Alaska, has an unusual rule: if you run it too fast, you can never run it again. It’s not a problem for most of us, though. The cut-off is 45 minutes.

Coverage of the Maui Marathon included this article about the spectators. My favorite quote: “‘Let me tell you, it’s exhausting watching people run. I was ready to give up by mile 14 or so.”

Next time you even consider complaining about your marathon, read BrianFlash’s account of the 1904 Olympic marathon in St. Louis. If think GU is bad, try strychnine and egg whites!

Rob Rose runs with a group of women and notes the entire group stopped and lent assistance when one of them fell in a drainage ditch. He asks, “However, if the group was comprised of men instead of women, would they have been so concerned or would they have just kept on going? What do you say bro?” That’s easy. We all would have stopped to laugh at him, and then we all would have peed in the ditch.

A collector is auctioning off the 5,000 remaining condoms from the 100,000 distributed to Olympic athletes during the Summer Games in Beijing. Each condom wrapper carries the 2008 Olympic motto – “faster, higher, stronger.” Rumors abound that female athletes were issued diaphragms that read, “too fast, too small, too rough.”

That’s all for this week, friends. May 2010 be full of PRs for you! Submit your posts to carnival@runningisfunny.com. Until next time, run away!


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