While I was in the hospital, I tried to think about it like a race. You know, because I’m so good at those [sarcasm...so much sarcasm]. I knew the tests would suck. I knew certain things would be painful (never get an enema, people — avoid at all costs, and definitely don’t get three of them in a row). But I knew that, in order to eventually get better and figure things out, I had to tough it out. I had to suck it up, drink the gross juices and power through (you know, like how you power through a race and stuff — it’s a good metaphor).
And I did.
I was a big wimp through a lot of it and you bet I called my mom in hysterics at 5:55 AM last Thursday morning when I was served my colonoscopy breakfast and didn’t think I could drink it. It was worth the little struggles, though, and I knew it would be.
So I’m thankful that I’m out of the hospital. I’m thankful for my bed at home and I’m thankful to be off the liquid diet, which I’m fairly certain was making me sicker.
Really, hospital? This is supposed to make me better? I call bullshit.
Most of all, I’m thankful to have good doctors looking out for me and taking care of me, since I had clearly run out of ways to take care of myself. I’m confident that the worst is over. Yes, there will be more flare-ups. With a chronic disease that’s likely inevitable. I can try my best to ward them off, I can take my medicine and I can better monitor my diet. I can do my best, sure. And if I get sick again, that will be hugely un-fun and Brian just may run and hide from me.
BRIAN, DON'T BE SCARED OF THE STOMACH DISEASE! It's a new trend, I swear. Everyone's doing it.
For now, though, I think I’m getting better, and I’m so, so glad.
I’m thankful for all the people who made this past week just a little bit easier for me. Lauren and Brian were my hospital rock stars. I will never forget coming back from my MRI and seeing the two of them waiting for me in my room. They were there at 7 AM every day and they were there at 11 PM. They rarely left my side, even when I was doing the whole colonoscopy prep thing. That’s unconditional love right there. I’m going to get them some presents.
This is Lauren. She is a fantastic friend. She is currently available for hire. She'll do nice things for you, like tell you when your left boob is falling out of your dress on the dance floor.
Then, on Tuesday, Kristan and Nicole surprised me at my apartment in the best way possible: wearing booty shorts and sports bras (Mom, relax, I still love Brian, I just appreciate having hot friends with six-pack abs — nothing wrong with that) and with brightly-colored flowers in hand.
Look at the orange one! So bright and vivid!
It has meant so much to me to have a ton of love and support coming my way throughout this whole silly ordeal. You people are the best. High five!
I’m thankful for fruit salad and melon ballers.
OH GOD SO DELICIOUS. And so round.
Nothing more to say about that.
I’m thankful I get to see my family in a week. My cousin is getting married and the whole extended Feller family will be in one place together. Scary, I know. But a big family reunion means quality time with my best friend!!!
SO EXCITED. Ryan, you do not look so thrilled in the background.
I’m thankful to have taken the subway to work every morning this week. For a month, I took a cab to work every day. I am now flat-broke because of it, but taking cabs was worth it because I was so afraid of getting stuck underground without a bathroom escape. This week, I’ve left my apartment, walked to the downtown train, hopped on and then continued walking across town to my office. I haven’t even thought about it. That, my friends, is a wonderful thing. It’s a sign of improvement.
I’m thankful to be feeling better. That’s really it. That sums up this whole post and my whole mindset today. I’m hoping that a week from now I’ll actually be able to say I feel completely better, but for now I’ll take the little improvements and I will appreciate them. Every time I walk past a bathroom that I don’t need to use, I am happy. It’s amazing how things can change in a week. (Yes, I realize that also means they can go from great to awful again without much notice, but let’s ignore that, yay!)
Whether I get four good days or four great months, I plan to take advantage of every single one. I’m trying hard to keep things in perspective. I’m resting, I’m giving my body a break. And as much I want to “come back” full force, I know to be just a little smarter than that and to ease into things. My snooze button is getting plenty of action these days — and I think that might be a good thing for now.
That’s all I’ve got for today.
SO NOW IT’S YOUR TURN: What are you thankful for today? The answer is puppies. But you can list other stuff, too. Let’s catch up, it’s been a while!