Thanks for the feedback yesterday! I was mainly just curious because I feel like talking about running is pretty boring and I didn’t know if there was a general consensus on that but I’m glad the mix of all my rambles is what people are most interested in since it’s the easiest to write. It’s whatever is in my head at that moment. Today (and the next couple days, probably) are running related.
I’m starting this post with a mini training recap from the week in numbers. Because, well, I like them.
Miles this week (38)
Speed workouts completed (1/2)
Rest days (2)
Cross training (1)
Weights (1)… oops
Minutes aquajogged (50)
Longest run (8 at once)Laps raced around track (12.5)
Clearly I’m a numbers person. I always have been. I was that kid who enjoyed algebra because I found solving for x fun. I loved solving balanced equation in chemistry to some degree, hence why I’m a chemistry major now. To some degree, this is great. I have an analytical mindset that has gotten me pretty far in life.
Then there is the not so nice side. The part of me who is easily obsessed with a number and pushes myself to reach a certain goal lower than what it is.
Like a previous 5K PR
Like a certain weight
Like a record on the swim board
Like an NCAA B cut
Like a grade on an exam
Like a number of miles/week
Like a max number of calories/day
Like a better GPA
The thing is, in all of these circumstances, I let those numbers define me. And for what? That number can’t bring me to a certain level of happiness. Someone asked me last week what would happen if I didn’t run my goal time. I was completely stumped and couldn’t answer her. The thing is, I’m terrified of finding out. I drive myself into the ground trying to achieve a goal I (or my coach) sets for myself. But in the grand scheme of things, what would actually happen? I might be upset momentarily but really it’s just another number.
I know this little stupid concept gets to me which is why I don’t weigh myself. I don’t plan on it anytime soon, either. It’s been 7 months of happiness as of late and I’d like to keep it that way. I know it becomes an obsession to drive the number down, even if it’s not particularly high in the first place. It’s a competition with myself to be even better and I won’t let it happen. Because in all honesty, at what cost is it actually better?
When I’m free of the numbers, I’m free as a person. No restraints, no unhappiness. Because when the number doesn’t define me, I define me. I see my times drop, my grades go up, and my weight is still my weight whether it be the same or maybe slightly lower.
I’ll be back with a race recap some day this week. Probably tomorrow.What defines you?How were your weekends?