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Project Red--part 1, Celibacy ...

Posted Sep 08 2010 3:51pm
Project Red--part 1, Celibacy

Yeah, you heard me--celibacy. Never say never, cause I never thought I'd be saying this, but doggonit, I'm serious. Just for awhile...maybe 6 months. I've been pondering hard the things that give me the most trouble and sex is a biggie. I love sex...probably have a greater appetite than most men, but combined with my extreme emotionality as a women, has caused me grief and confusion. I think it's good after a breakup to take a period of celibacy so you're not rebounding, wounded and emotionally distraught into another physical relationship, bleeding into the new relationship former relationship ghosts, unfair comparisons, and whatnot. I'm beginning to understand that sex is a beautiful, beautiful thing, but only in the context of a healthy relationship. I'm a very sensual person and plan on remaining that way. I'll still flip my fluffy red tresses to the side, slide my sexy glasses down my nose, give you a sexy wink and say something naughty, but I won't be delivering. No sirree. I'll finally be a true tease! I'll date, maybe, but there will be no hanky-panky involved, other than kissing, hugging--an emphasis on getting to know myself and my partner.

Now that I say this I'm haunted by my old fashioned mother's advice when she happened upon my ex-husband and I in an unsavory naked state, wine and porn all about, just a month before we were married some 22 years ago, "You, know Red, a guy doesn't want to buy the cow, when he can get the cow for free." God, how I've always hated that saying. Well, actually, he did want to buy this "experienced" cow and I must say, we had many many years of what can be termed, active, good sex. He was adventurous and would do just about anything I asked, but still...for years, while my body burned and sizzled, we failed on an emotional connective level. In my next serious relationship, I felt that deep connective love, but then got physically demanding of my new love, became sex-centric and totally failed to see that my partner needed more of my emotional side and companionship--a mistake most often attributed to men. Sex asunder. I rebounded into another relationship to a man very attracted to my ultra-running aerobic endurance, but for horizontal cross-training reasons and not running. He wanted a sexual athlete, which I could definitely be, but not without love, so that's it. Sex has been more trouble than it's worth. I'm throwing in the towel, but not the Astroglide because occasional masturbation will be allowed to keep me from spontaneously self combusting into a puff of smoke, cause, sheesh...I don't want to be a monk or anything.

Also, entering into my decision to enter celibacy is a huge fear of STD's. I've read recently that STD rates are increasing because of so many, "friends with benefits" type arrangements, where good friends that know each other well, assume they're safe, but can't really know that, get sloppy with the rubbers, and then end up with mysterious drips and itches.

Another reason to abstain? Think of what this is going to do for my running...
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