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Post Filled With Everything in My Brain Because I was Once Non-Caffeinated but Now am SUPAH Caffeinated and that Makes My Brain

Posted Jun 30 2011 12:00am

So, I attempted to give up caffeine cold turkey. I know. One of my worst ideas yet. Even dumber than running at 4:00 in the afternoon in the heat of summer. Almost dumber than using a sharp knife for something that really required a butter knife and   cutting my thumb and requiring stitches and a tetanus shot. Almost. What happened is that on Monday  night, we ran out of Pepsi, so instead of going to the store (who has time for that, anyway?) I decided that this would be the perfect time to give up caffeine. I’d been meaning to reduce my intake anyway, and the Wonder Child has slept through the night FIVE nights in a row, so I clearly can’t be using him as an excuse.

Yes! No more caffeine = good time to give up caffeine. Obviously. And just as obviously, this worked out terribly.

Day 1 I didn’t really notice that I had no caffeine, but then, I was all hyped up on sugar from the Fanta and jelly beans that were part of my anniversary gift.

Day 2 I awakened with a headache. The headache turned into a slowly inflating balloon that threatened to explode my entire stupid noggin. The thing that is supposed to have brains in it to prevent me from doing stuff like this to myself. I could have easily fixed this by going to pick up something caffeinated, but I’m stubborn in addition to stupid and told myself that I didn’t want to leave work. Six hours of editing documents of varying degrees of chaotic mess later, and I was pretty sure my head WOULD explode. So when my mom called to let me know that she was bringing LilRunr back early because he was going to want a bottle at the time I usually pick him up, I begged her to bring me caffeine. Any caffeine. She did, and by evening the headache had faded away into oblivion.

DAY 3 Started it off with a Pepsi. Don’t judge. I’ve been getting a lot done. Next week, I’ll buy those tiny little adorable cans so I can start ratcheting down my intake. In a gradual, non-head-exploding way.

In the meantime, that one day without caffeine apparently made me feel its effects, because I am a TAD on the hyper side at the moment. Or maybe now that the headache balloon has deflated, there’s just more room for thoughts to bounce around.

Currently bouncing thoughts:

  • I saw the other fast girl this morning. I was already writing the blog post in my head about how I’d scared them off, and there she was. I was going to strike up a conversation, but I totally wimped out. Dang it! She was just way more intimidating up close, and really it doesn’t matter anyway because I’ve got to find the ORIGINAL fast skinny girl to prove to Scott that she exists.
  • She does exist, right? I’m not just hallucinating really fast runner people, right?
  • I might be hallucinating. It’s possible. I blame the heat.
  • No, she exists. I’m 92% sure of it.
  • 92? Where did that number come from?
  • Hey, maybe fast skinny girl went to USA Nationals. That could explain her absence. For realsies.
  • I’ve said Pepsi twice (three times!) in this post. Think that will make the Pepsi (four!) marketing department send me free stuff? Probably not…and I guess that’s good, since I’m addicted and trying to quit and free Pepsi (five!) would just be enabling me to remain addicted.
  • I like that I can wear my wedding ring again. It makes me feel more like myself.
  • Husband tried to get me to run without a shirt this morning. Yeah, right! Fast skinny girls are completely unintimidated by me anyway. Why would I want to lose their remaining respect?
  • I don’t think I got any stretch marks from pregnancy. That’s a plus.
  • I nac lleps sdrawkcab. ytterP tsaf, oot. ll’I ekat a oediv oot evorp ti. knihT siht si a elbatekram lliks?
  • Did anyone see the guy on America’s Got Talent? He was a magician with a cat. Hilarious.
  • There’s a wasp nest by the garage. I need to spray it tonight. And scamper away before the wasps regroup and attack me.
  • Is it possible to be allergic to the sun? Does that make me a vampire? I like garlic…
  • If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? I know I would. I’d slather myself in mustard and relish. I’d be so delicious.
  • That’s from SNL. I don’t even like mustard or relish.
  • Know what I do like? Peas.
  • Why do cats like tuna so much? I’m pretty sure mine have never even SEEN a fish…let alone caught one…let alone a tuna. So why this adamant belief that it is the BEST THING that will ever happen to them?
  • Me:  http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail91.html
  • Hey, look! Time for lunch!
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