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On my ~HEART~

Posted Jan 16 2013 3:59pm

As soon as I had my son Milton, my world was different, everything. 


My first inkling as a mother was to protect and never leave my child! EVER! 
It was a bit of a strong instinct I think. Maybe a bit more aggressive than most mothers. 
I never wanted to leave him for 20 minuets to run to the grocery or for 1 hour to go on a date. I wanted to stay with him ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS!!! 

At first I even struggled to let my husband take complete care of him. I wanted to do the feeding and the bathing and the EVERYTHING!!!! 

I was completely immersed in being a mother!!!!

My first child, Milton, was VERY planned. My husband and I had been married almost 2 years and were really ready for a baby. 

Then, suddenly when Milton was about 3 months old I started to feel really sick all the time. I had a headache everyday, I was so exhausted I could barely do anything. I didn't feel good. Well a good 2 months went by like that before I had the inkling that there was a chance I might be pregnant. I had never had a "cycle" because I was breastfeeding and let me assure you, the chances weren't real good! 
But sure enough I took a test, it came out positive instantly and so I now have 2 children 13 months apart! 

The very weekend I was beginning to look for work was the weekend I found out I was pregnant again with Ginger. My husband and i had a long talk and decided it was best if I just stayed home until Ginger was born  because the two were so close in age. 

In my eyes it was a MIRACLE!!! I didn't have to go back to work! Hallelujah!!!!!! 
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I kept repeating because I didn't know how I could ever leave my baby.
I continues to nurse Milton the entire time I was pregnant with Ginger and then nursed both of them for a few months before weening Milton. 

Sadly, when Ginger was only a little over 2 months old I had to g back to work for the family. We were already facing bankruptcy and we couldn't afford to loose our house. there was no choice.

I cried and cried and cried and I was so angry at God. Why was this happening to me? Why did I have to leave my tiny children? 

I'm still asking!

Headband: Lemons and Lace




I have been reading my daily devotional and found this one particularly comforting to me. "My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace and transcends understanding, You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face to face with me, your peace. As long as you can focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sunk, simply call out "Help me, Jesus" and I will lift you up. The closer you live to me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on me, the one who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of my design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to me. PHILIPPIANS 4:7; MATTHEW 14:30; Hebrews 12:2
I'm linking up with Alissa from {RAGS TO STITCHES}

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