I was hoping to do a nice 16 mile taper run of the south end of the Road Runner course, but last minute texts at 4:30 am said there'd be a change of plans--we were going to do a 10ish mile run along the Tow Path, not my favorite, Hell's Green Corridor section between Bolanz trail head and Lock 29. An early morning chill in the air, it was going to be a glorious Sept. 11th. to pay homage to the terrorist attacks that profoundly touched the American spirit and later, attend the wedding of my best girl crush friend Maria, from the work cave, my positive perennial source of brightness, getting married for the second time. She had a tumultuous early relationship with her soon to be husband, he moved in, he moved out, but then, much to her surprise, he moved back in and asked her to marry him. She pondered the relationship trifecta--emotional, physical, and intellectual. There were two out of three, for sure, but still weaknesses in the third area. They have both been married before and between the two of them, their respective children, their respective step children, and ex's and ex-step children have something like 12 kids all together.
I squinted at Maria through the din of the work cave not long after I learned she was getting married, "But why Maria...why get married again when you know it's not perfect?" She looked at me with her raven black hair and sparkling blue eyes and said, "Because I know I can get out of it." Then she threw back her head and cackled uproariously. She implored me to go to her wedding, last minute, even though I wasn't on the official invite list composed months earlier as I'm a new co-worker/friend.
I told her I might go, but would hate to go stag and would depress the hell out of me, besides, so I told her to not count on me, but how could I miss the wedding of my best work place girl crush? I was curious. It was a casual outdoor affair, about 80 people, at a beautiful park dotted with an old fashioned merry-go-round, an impossibly high metal slide, a barn and a tiny white gazebo. She told me to be there at 3:20, so I erroneously assumed the wedding started at 3:45 or thereabouts. I pulled into the lot at 3:21 and already the bridal party was making it's way down the green, rows of white wooden chairs lined up, with bundles of gerbera daisies laid casually on the ground of the inside rows, with Maria's favorite Train tune, Marry Me, playing as the party made it's way to the tiny white gazebo. I slithered up as inconspicuously as I could and took a seat. The entire bridal party, including the bride and groom, wore sunglasses, which made sense to me, cause brightness radiates from Maria. Her hair was raven black and smooth, like Snow White, her dress was white but rimmed in burgundy embroidery and Scott was so wickedly handsome, I cried, as I have done often lately. The ceremony was simple and sweet--Maria wrote it herself and what came through was her courage, her positive quest for love, where much is unknown, where much work will have to be done, her willingness to take a chance, because marriage is just that...a big foray into the unknown.
At the reception, in the wood paneled barn, I sat across from one of Maria's former co-workers and discussed her impending separation with her husband. What is it about women in their mid 40's? Our marriages turned out to be not what we wanted. We wanted out. We get out and end up alone anyway. For myself, I have no regrets for leaving my marriage, but I must admit I miss male companionship--not the sex, well, yes, OK. I miss the sex, but I'm sticking to my 6 month celibacy plan. I hope someday I can find requited love, but for now, I'm sustained on the reflected bright light of the ever positive Maria, and other positive people in my life, taking one mile at a time, continuing my journey, where ever it leads...