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Meatfull Monday (with apologies to my vegetarian friends)

Posted Aug 06 2012 4:27pm

Home Sweet Home

… and we’re back, sports fans!  After six long weeks in the mountains with nothing but dial-up Internet to keep me entertained, I am more than ecstatic to be back home!

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great vacation, a little too great as stepping on the scale the other day forced me to recognize the results of my hedonistic ways.  10 pounds of extra fun, to be exact.  ARGH.

So today, I want to share a handful of the recipes that got me to that place of ample happiness- add happy hour cocktails every day for 40 days plus a metric ton of red wine every evening, and you can earn 10 extra pounds of happiness too!

Word of the day every day for 6 weeks: Bacon

Okay so no recipe needed here and I don’t think I need to expound upon the unhealthy deliciousness that is bacon68% of bacon’s calories come from fat , almost half of which is saturated.  Add sodium and a whopping dose of cholesterol and you’ve got yourself one tasty breakfast as well as a coronary-waiting-to-happen.

Sometimes, I will fry it up in a cast iron skillet (you know, so it’s “healthier”) but usually just pop it in the microwave, covered with a paper towel, for one minute per slice.

Bacon: Not just for breakfast!

And if the nitrates and carcinogens haven’t killed you by lunch, you could try my version of the classic BLT which I aptly named a BLOAT: bacon, lettuce, onion, avocado and tomato.  Death wish deliciousness, right there!  (Be sure to put it on wheat bread too, just so you can feel somewhat virtuous.)

For dinner, I add bacon to a heap of vegetables in order to trick my brain into thinking that the bacon may, just may, be a good-for-me food.  It works too.  I was totally fooled and ate and ate without any thought, care, or concern for my general health.  It’s so much fun- you should try it sometime.

See- there are green things in there!

Laura’s Deadly Brussels Sprouts

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Wash and dry one pound of brussels
  • Cover roasting pan in foil, add brussels
  • Add fresh sliced shallots (I love shallots so usually use 2-3)
  • Add about 2 tablespoons of olive oil, mix well
  • Salt and pepper to you liking
  • Cut up 4-12 pieces of bacon (amount dependent upon how much you value your life)
  • Cover top of brussels with bacon pieces (but don’t mix as the deadly part of this recipe involves that saturated fat from the bacon dripping down and all over the veggies)
  • Bake for about a half an hour or until you can poke a fork easily through the brussels
  • Put your health practitioner on speed dial and enjoy!

Similarly, no vacation can be complete without a happy hour snack of- you guessed it- more processed meatsSalami , Soppressata , Prosciutto , and my all time favorite: Coppa .

Mom always said to clean my plate… so…

A few or 10 slices of coppa paired with some Humboldt Fog and Winey Goat cheeses, a touch of fig jam, cracked pepper crackers and the mandatory bottle of red wine make for one tasty and fattening afternoon!  I’m proof of that!

Okay, no recipe there either as it’s all thrown on a plate and then consumed in record time yet I did do one exciting thing with that other processed mystery meat: the Hot Dog .

The kids love ‘em and unfortunately so do I!

Laura’s Spiral Dogs

  • Take hot dog in hand
  • Take some sort of stick (like a kebab skewer) and poke it through the dog, top to bottom, horizontally
  • Lay skewered dog on cutting board and position knife on one end
  • Turn the dog while cutting down the dog, through to the skewer, top to bottom
  • Remove skewer and grill the dog
  • Once cooked, place dog in bun, stretch it out and fill gaps with condiments
  • Enjoy now, pay for it later!!!  (Oh, sorry, that’s just me.)

And with that, I’m going for a run… vacation sure is fun but the results are not!  I abhor dieting but now, have no other choice- wish me luck in losing that 10 pounds as quickly as possible!!!

Has anyone else ever “let themselves go” while on vacation?  Did you worry about losing those extra pounds o’ fun like me or just get back to your healthy habits without a thought?  Anyone else feel like throwing their scale straight out the window?

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