I didn’t eat five of them as soon as they came out of the oven. I ate four. And then had a few more later, once they had cooled.
Thought #4: I would always rather watch something I’ve already seen than explore something new. I love re-watching stuff. It’s a calming, stress-free activity for me. It’s not like, “Ohhhhhhh shoot, how will this end? Does Deborah die? Do the dinosaurs really become extinct?” I suffer through that suspense once, but then I’m good to go. I never again have to question whether or not Jody Sawyer gets offered a contract with American Ballet Academy.
Thought #5: I can’t sleep well on planes. I really hate that about myself. If I do manage to pass out on board, I always seem to wake myself up just as my head flops down onto the person next to me. And also my mouth is wide open and I’m drooling a little.
Thought #6: I can’t sleep with my feet on the ground at all. I need to have them lifted up. Any type of sleep-sitting is near impossible. But get me horizontal and I’m out.
Thought #7: I love and am endlessly fascinated by massive structures. Stadiums, monuments, Mormon temples…basically anything I can easily spot from 35,000 feet in the air. I also like people who are so tall that their heads touch the top of the subway car.
So speaking of massive structures…Brian bought this llama hat for me for Christmas “as a joke.” But guess what Brian? THE JOKE’S ON YOU. Because I wear this thing everywhere now, and people stare, and instead of being like, “Who’s that weirdo girl with the llama hat?” everyone is just thinking, “WTF is wrong with that guy with questionable taste in women?” HA. I win. And yeah, we got to watch our friend’s dog this weekend. It was awesome.
Thought #8: It gives me anxiety when people favorite my Tweets. Why are you doing that? So you can hold them against me in the future when I run for President of 16 Handles?
Thought #9: I hated working in the food service industry (I was a waitress during and immediately after college), but it made me a better person and a way better tipper. It’s hard work and you have to be very patient with people. Everyone should do it at some point. Maybe schools can make Waitressing 101 part of their core requirements?
“Waitressing” AKA “serving alcohol to everyone I went to college with.”
Thought #10: I’ve never caught a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty and not gotten tourist-level excited about it. This city fascinates me endlessly.
Thought #11: The towels at the gym don’t fit me. They just don’t, and it makes showering there and getting ready for my day insanely difficult. Those towels are tiny. It’s like this brilliant, passive-aggressive scheme by all the gyms. “Work out more, and maybe someday you’ll be able to wrap this towel around you and not flash the entire locker room while you’re blow drying your hair. Sucker.”
Thought #12: I am an equal opportunity itcher. So, for example, if I have an itch on my right arm, I then also feel compelled to scratch that same spot on my left arm. I need to be symmetrically scratched.
Thought #13: The thought of mayonnaise makes me ill.
ANOTHER RANDOM FOOD PHOTO: Last night for dinner, I made an omelet. Guess what? I HAD NEVER MADE AN OMELET BEFORE. I watched several YouTube videos on how to do it before I summoned the courage to heat up my pan. I also prefer the “omelette” spelling, but that gives me the red squiggly underline. So I guess it’s wrong. Or British. I don’t know.
Thought #14: Turns out, I know all the words to “Hoedown Throwdown.” And some of the dance moves. You know what I’m talking about, right? The hit dance track from the classic film, Hannah Montana: The Movie. Pop it, lock it, polka dot it…and then rent it. Get on board. The plot is a little stressful, I’ll admit that, but it’s a Disney flick, so you can count on a happy ending.
Thought #15: I will always choose to listen to the remix over the original. This is true for Britney tunes and also Celine Dion’s more up-tempo-y take on “I Drove All Night.”
Thought #16: Clemseed alert! Red level clemseed alert!
BOTTOM RIGHT CORNER! THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT!
Caught you. (This one isn’t so much a thought as it is a panic attack and utterly spastic, fruit-induced meltdown.)
Thought #17: When left to its own shuffling, my phone will rotate exclusively between Christmas songs and the occasional embarrassing Pearl Harbor movie theme song that somehow made its way into my iTunes library. Even when I uncheck the little boxes, these songs still make a heavy presence on my shuffle playlist.
Thought #18: I don’t like paying in cash because of the way the cashiers always hand the money back. It’s ridiculous. Piling the slippery change on top of the slippery dollar inevitably means dinero is flying everywhere except seamlessly into my wallet. Plus, I think a sick part of my brain has me convinced that credit cards use fake money. Unlimited, debtless, fake money. And cashiers, hand me the change first, so I can ball it up into my hand, and then I’ll take the dollars. Please also give me extra dollars from your drawer stash. It’s fine. It’s legal. I won’t even tell.
Thought #19: I never really understood why singing in the shower was a thing. Is it because we’re bored in there? Is it because singing makes our dirty bodies cleaner? I never knew. But now I grasp it: The acoustics in the shower are perfection. When I’m in there, I swear I actually give Celine a run for her money. And she has so much money I bet.
When I’m in there, lathering up and belting out that finale song from Pitch Perfect, I sound amazing. It’s like I am in there, harmonizing and single handedly defining the term “pitch perfect.” The Bellas are going to come knocking on my bathroom door to recruit me any day now. Wait for it…
I woke up to this happy little situation Friday morning. I guess we’re good… Happy toothbrush, happy life.
Thought #20: I kind of miss writing about running. And, you know, running in general.
Happy Monday, people! Get to work.