I'm totally lacking in motivation. This past weekend was amazing. I really felt like my legs had a lot more gas in them. I could have gone forever. BUt now that the race is done and the runners high has melted off, I find myself sitting in another post race slump. I lack motivation. I want to run but am unable to will myself towards it. Training is such a drag. I'm sick of winter, the top of my foot still hurts, when I run the arches of my feet hurt. I'm tired, constantly battling this mind numbing head cold... I need a break. And the break is coming next week. On Tuesday I fly out to San Francisco where I'll be spending the better part of 4 days running on trails through Muir Woods, Golden Gate State Park and other areas of Marin County. I'm excited because I hope running on the trails out west will re-ignite that spark that I need leading into the McNaughton Park 150. Right now I know that I can mentally run 150 miles. Physically I feel undertrained.... REALLY undertrained. I guess right now being mentally prepared for the next race is better than being physically prepared, because how DOES one train for a 150 mile slug fest anyway? I've been asked this question a few times now and have always lacked an answer. So far this year I have accomplished all of my goals. I did the Boston Prep x2, a 30 mile night run and 53 miles in the Snow. Im feeling strong physically, like I can go forever... I just can't motivate to continue to train and refine myself to where I need to be. I can see the upcoming season being very difficult to endure. But then again.. maybe things will change once the snow melts.
I think my depression still has a pretty solid hold on me. In fact, I'm pretty certain it does and this is why I am lacking in motivation. I was happy last week when my psychiatrist took me off of the Abilify. I feel like I'm making some progress and we'll see how much more progress is made next week when I see him again before the trip. I know that not everything is going to change over night and ever little step forward beats a step backward... I just want my drive back. I still get the ideas in my head... the ideas to accomplish great things. The idea to run further, faster, harder.... I just can't drive myself to do it and it's driving me crazy. This constant inner struggle continues and I hope the end is drawing near.