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kilometers and monkey butts.

Posted Aug 02 2010 5:46am
Yesterday, it rained. It rained so hard and for so long, I was beginning to wonder if I'd be able to get a swim workout in my front yard. But instead of braving the depths of the new temporary front lawn pool, I drug out the trainer and my bike, and decided to get a nice long ride in from the comfort of my living room.

I put on my new Sugoi shorts from my team FIGHT kit to give them a test ride, sprinkled on some Lady Anti Monkey Butt (more on that in a minute), put on an on-demand episode of "Billy the Exterminator" for Rowen (my 3 year olds new obsession...he walks around the house pretending to search for snakes, armadillos, and vermin in my kitchen cabinets...here's hoping he never finds anything) and hopped on my bike (who is still lacking a proper name, by the way). Iron Girl is 3 weeks away, and I decided I wanted to do a 17 mile ride, the same distance as the race.

Easy enough, right?

Ha. I was so proud of myself for having googled the manual to my Schwinn bike computer and recalibrating it that I was ready to watch the miles tick by. And tick by they did! I expected my 17 mile ride to take about an hour and a half. I rode steadily, changing gears and resistance up back and forth to get my heart rate pumping, but overall it wasn't a crazy intense ride. Two episodes of Billy (two alligators, one snake, a dead opossum, crazed fireplace squirrel, and some fire ants) and only one interruption for a sippy cup refill later, I hit the 17 mile mark. Phew!

Hopped off the bike, and went straight to dailymile to log my mileage. 17.21 miles in 41:59. 24 miles per hour. Wait....whaat? 24 mph? Isnt' that, like, fast? I know I'm new to cycling, but even I know that doesn't seem right...there's no way. But I posted the workout. And then I googled...and realized, Lance Armstrong and Levi Leipheimer I am not. Something was wrong.

And then I got angry. I know it's only a $9.00 bike computer from Walmart, but is it really that horribly inaccurate? Man, this cycling stuff is crazy. And what's more, the darn thing keeps measuring my speed in kilometers per hour....

And the light bulb in my head turned on. Heather, you just rode 17.21 km, or 10.69 miles, giving you an average speed of 15 mph.

Doh'. I am SUCH a newb.

I fixed the error in my dailymile post , and had a good laugh at my own expense. What else can you do but laugh, right?

So back to the monkey butt...we all know I've had some unfortunately chafing issues in the past week. To add insult to injury, days after the spin class incident, I went for a 9 mile long run sans-body glide. I've never had an issue before, but a combo of the ridiculous humidity paired with some shorts that are a smidge too big and thighs that grew a little this summer (darn injury!) resulted in the nastiest case of road rash (chub rub?) I have ever felt. A while back I was contacted by the people from Anti-Monkey Butt (yes that's really their name) to try out their products, and I figured yesterdays bike ride was a better time than ever!

From their site, the FAQ
What is "monkey butt"?

It's a term used by motorcycle riders to describe the soreness, itching and redness that occurs when you ride and sweat on a motorcycle for hours. If you have to walk bowlegged like a monkey to prevent your skin from rubbing, you have Monkey Butt!

Who gets it?

Anyone who works hard and plays hard - who participates in any activity that causes frictional skin irritation.

How can I prevent it?

Use Anti Monkey Butt Powder. The powder contains talc or cornstarch which absorbs moisture. The calamine is an anti-itch and anti-chafing powder that soothes irritated skin, leaving you dry and comfortable

Anti Monkey Butt has been infiltrating the endurance sports world because, let's face it, riding a motorcycle clearly isn't the only way to end up with monkey butt.

So they sent me two containers, an original and a lady anti monkey butt (sounds so lady like!) I of course gave the lady anti monkey butt a try, because it's in a pink bottle. (Boy, target marketing really works on suckers like me!) The website says
"Lady Anti Monkey Butt is specially formulated with patented satiny smooth powder to minimize the frictional discomfort that women often experience when using exercise equipment, running, driving, cycling or just walking. Its unique ingredients work quickly to absorb sweat and provide cooling effective relief of irritation on the inner thighs and other areas of the skin prone to rubbing. "

As soon as I opened it, I had flashbacks to my days spent barhopping. You know when you go into a night club bar bathroom with the restroom attendant who has stocked the counter head to toe with beauty products, yet the bathroom still has that distinct fake flower talcum powder smell? Yup, that's the Lady Anti Monkey Butt. It wasn't horrible or anything, in fact it was a light smell, but it was there none the less. I figured it's going to touch my sweaty thighs, so really, what difference does the smell make, right? The powder had a very light, soft, non greasy feel, and long story short, I didn't receive any sort of monkey butt on my 17 km (not mile) ride. No chaffing, and no swamp butt. Gotta love that!

So, as to not hog all the Anti Monkey Butt fun, and thanks to the people at A.M.B., I'm giving away an unopened bottle of the original Anti Monkey Butt Powder so one of you lucky readers can give it a test ride (or run).

To enter: Leave a comment as to why you need Anti Monkey Butt. Actually, that borderlines TMI. Just leave any comment ;)

For additional entries: (leave a separate comment for each)
-follow my blog
-become a fan of Anti Monkey Butt on facebook
-post this giveaway in your blog, twitter, or facebook

Contest ends at 11:59 pm EST Sunday August 8th. I'll use that awesome random number generator website to pick a winner Monday August 9th. And then the winner will be well on their way to being monkey butt free. Who wouldn't love that?
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