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I'm Going Under

Posted Apr 25 2012 9:31pm
And if Venice is sinkingI'm going under'Cause beauty's religionAnd its Christened me with wonder
Spirit of the West, And if Venice is Sinking , Faithlift

The legs are strong, the heart pumps, and the calf is behaving like a good calf should.  My goal is to make it to the Fargo Marathon start line on May 19... the rest is in the tea leaves, unknown but hopeful.  I run lonely miles through concrete trails with purpose and complete devotion to my heart and bones. I am hyper-alert for tweaks and twinges, antecedents for injury.  None come but I remain vigilant.  My wife asks why I am driven so?  She questions the frequency, the intensity, and the duration of my running.  She suggests it is too much.  I think to myself, too much or not enough?

I don't have words to describe the joy, the  painful beauty of crossing a line in the sand, and then running beyond that line.  My wife wants to write a blog entry entitled I Hate Pasta. We laugh a comfortable laugh and we smile... we don't understand the whys of what we do, but we accept our difference and value the diversity in our relationship.  She says I haven't yet found what I'm looking for and that's why I run. Maybe she's right; maybe it's all about the searching.

If Venice is sinking I'm going under.  It's the beauty of the moment and the passion for human perfection that drives me forward... 'cause beauty's religion'.  The need to be all that I am, to look back and fear not that I have given it my all.  I hurt and I get injured along the way.  I make friends and even that slips away so I run .. I run to mask the hurt... I run away...I run towards. I run because it makes me feel wonderful in heart and mind. Not the superficial wonderful, but the wonderful of life force, the wonderful of a sip of water, the wonderful of pushing my mind, my body, and my spirit passed the white line and surviving and growing.  The wonderful of a mother's adulation, a father's attention.  Like the raft, if Venice is sinking I'm going under.
It's a good day to be alive.

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