I AM STRONGER HEALTHIER AND BETTER OFF. I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING
Posted Jan 12 2012 1:29pm
There is something about my hometown of Jamestown, New York that just brings out the worst in me. Less than 24 hours of being here I have regressed mentally. I know I can not truly overcome my past until I’m at a place in life where this town no longer gets to me.. But I do not see that day being today, or any day in the near future.
I’ve come such a long way since I left Jamestown. I’m not entirely blaming the city, it’s most likely the fact that this place reminds me of The negative qualities I had while living here:
(Pot head, counting calories, bar hopping every night, living with drug users, watching my degree go to waste, bouncing from job to job… The list goes on.)
I can’t even explain it. You just have to visit in order to understand. It’s the kind of place people high five you for drinking yourself sick and look down on you for trying to do something like run a half marathon & better yourself. I guess it just reminds me of that weak willed girl i used to be. I’m not lying when I say that in Virginia they advertise Jamestown Ny on billboards as the city to go to if you need welfare. No I’m not joking… & I feel for the people who truly need government assistance, but here it’s mostly out of pure laziness.
I used to be thankful for the fact that this town gave me something to strive for, a determination like no other to leave and do amazing things. It’s most likely what sparked my gypsy ways.. The itch to travel is an amazing one to have. But when it’s gotten you to the point where 8 months into living some place all you can think about is your next destination, and the thought of one more year in a city you LOVE drives you batty, maybe that’s not so healthy after all. It has instilled a fear of being trapped in one place, with no room to grow, that I simply can not shake.
It’s funny — I spent most of my childhood here but, if you ask me where home is, 9 times out of 10 I’ll say Dallas, TX. Jamestown has never and will never feel like home
I’m absolutely rambling and making no sense… But it’s my hopes that when I look back and read this I laugh at myself for sitting here crying so miserably in my childhood bed because of this place.
I AM STRONGER HEALTHIER AND BETTER OFF. I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING.
Sometimes a girl just needs to remind herself of that.