Re-Cap - Thoughts Let me be honest for a minute. This is going to sound like complaining but the fact is I planned on running 100 miles and I did not accomplish my goal. My participation in ultra running is a blessing and a privilege. So please do not look at my frustration as complaining but its a tough pill to swallow to know that I did the best I could and it was not good enough.
The first loop in 5.5 hours was too fast for my goals. Sub 24 was never the game plan for this race, just to finish strong and see the sunrise on Sunday. The plan was to come into Rodeo Beach, the 25 mile mark, around 6.5 hours. I took advantage of the cooler temperatures early and was able to put together a few good stretches, particularly coming into Tennessee Valley where the descents are not as steep. Unfortunately this threw my hydration off. I was around Sam Adams level by the end of the first loop which is not where my body needed to be so early in the race.
I took a long break at the end of the first loop and patiently endured the second loop, hiking the hills and making sure I was hydrating. I had plenty of energy to run up the grades but knowing my hydration was off I was patient and sat back. I swapped positions with a friend Starchy a few times so it was nice to see a familiar face a couple times during the day. However, by mile 38 ish I was still running with a lot of 50 milers and I knew I needed to throttle back. Finally getting back to a Stella hydration level my mood dramatically improved because I was able to process more calories while taking in significantly more water.
The first loop I was averaging 24 - 30 oz per hour and the second loop I increased the amount to 45 - 50 oz per hour.
While on the 2nd loop I had to focus and it took a lot of talking to myself. I reigned myself in when I felt that I was getting carried away with the pace, I practiced patience and tried to hold off any feelings of angst or discomfort. The first descent to Vista Point (Bottom of Golden Gate Bridge) left my hamstring clamoring, but the second loop easing was just was the doctor ordered. By the and of the second loop I was feeling energized and my hamstring was all but healed. Any hard harding downhill meant throbbing pain but light steps and the pain was minimal.
3rd loop - ish I left Rodeo Beach in the dark. I set out with my headlamp and 2 additional layers. Halfway up the hill I removed one of the layers; overheating. During the paved section of that hill I turned off my headlamp and let the moon guide me, it was beautiful. The mist had not rolled in and the night was actually pleasant.
Climbing out of Rodeo I was excited ! No mist blinding my headlamp, winds were mild and temperatures held steady. This was going to be a good night for a little jog.
I felt connected and really at peace with my effort on this uphill. I began running again once I hit the single track at the top. Suddenly I felt a rip in my left ankle. You know that sound...the one that happens when you are quartering a chicken and something just makes that crunch/rip noise...yeah that was it. I immediately stopped, hobbled, tried running but that was not going to happen. It was a different kind of pain. I felt a sharpness running up the back of my calf to the back of left knee whenever I placed pressure on the mid foot area. Without the mid foot I knew my race and maybe my running days were done.
I worried I had done something permanent or something that would require weeks if not months to heal. I came into Tennessee Valley with a panic look. I told C., "I am not good." My face was all panic. I thought that I may have really messed something up.
At TV aid station my pacer met up with me. We checked my ankle…the knot was gone. I had a knot on the left ankle for months and it was now smooth, for the first time in a long time. No swelling, but just sharp pains up the back of the calf. D. my pacer was awesome, he was trying everything to help me out of TV. I took a tylenol and headed out into the night. Any pressure on the forefoot or mid foot was just not possible. I walked like a pirate, leaned like a cholo, did the stay cat strut….you name it…but nothing helped. We left TV and made it about a mile out, but turned back.
There was no way I would make Pirates Cove or the Muir beach decent or ascent without a mid-foot. My race was over.
Thoughts... My last few races have been less than stellar, but I have taken valuable lessons from them. The Headlands is no different. One day it may be mental space that beats you, other days it may be an injury completely out of control. Regardless, the fact we are out there doing it for the love of it just goes to show how much this sport means to all participants.
When I started ultra running I consumed a lot of literature about the sport. I nerd out, just the way I am. Everything I read talked about this place. The magical place where (blank) happened and runners saw everything from the white light at the end of the tunnel to that cheeseburger of legend only reserved for last meals. After hitting that turning point, reality would focus and feats of amazing happened.
The place where epiphanies happened did not happen to me. I don't think I have reached that place yet. I have searched and searched but that bottom of the barrel has not revealed itself. I am scared as hell about what I may find there since this moment tends to be life changing. Maybe my search is different.. Maybe I am not meant to get that AhAh moment... Maybe I am meant to plug along until the moment becomes a string of moments, a continuous timeline of working hard and being better. Naturally only time will tell, but cheers ….here is to getting to the bottom of the barrel.