It was a stressful day yesterday. Things that are out of my control and have the potential of having some very negative ripple effects are lingering there on the horizon. I am trying to have faith that all will be fine and that by the end of the day, this crushing feeling evaporates and I am free to go and enjoy my family holiday. My darling daughter and I are so excited!
But that crushing feeling lingers and made me a grouchy mom yesterday. I got home with my darling daughter and she started playing with dear hubby. Sometimes I wish I could be the person to play with versus the person who cleans up and gets ready for the next day. Instead of totally blowing a fuse, I stepped on the treadmill with the intention of doing a good run. But 6 minutes into the run I was bored out of my mind. The sad 0.4 miles couldn't even compel me to keep running in place no matter how splendid the view was. I needed more. This was not making me a happy mom.
So I convinced the family to pack up the dolls and head out of the door to a nearby park. I even forced them to go to the one with a road nearby so I could run on that versus uneven grass. The grouchy mom wins. I put on the Columbia shoes since they have the roomiest toe box and started my run.
My first thoughts were: ow, ow, ow, ow..... But the ow was probably only a 1 or 2 on the pain scale of 10 and I have run with bigger ow's. I just had to stop envisioning the bones in my toe breaking apart and moving around all over the place. I told myself, just endure. Do a mile. You can do this. It has been almost 5 weeks since the crushing moment, surely you aren't doing anything intensely detrimental. At the 0.5 mile mark I was doing better. I was running more comfortably and had to focus less on relaxing the foot with each strike. Fear of pain or damage can make you do funny things. The uphills and downhills had more sensation than the flats. The veering off the road into the uneven grass to give a car more room was a painful reminder to be strong and hold my course.
My Nike+ motivator
And then the happiness began to flood me. I was running, slow, but running. I enjoyed the peace, the sound of my feet, and the light tunes in the background. I felt good and I had forgotten the magic of just over two miles. I hit my magic time/distance mark when running seems to become easier, more enjoyable, my pace begins to feel good, life is perfect. I ended up running 2.68 miles with an overall pace of 10'30". Nice easy pace and if I remember right, the pace my easy runs should be right now. If you factor in the time of the treadmill, I put in 3.08 miles.
I feel good about the running progress. The crushing feeling is still there and honestly, I know it can't go away until things are settled. It is who I am. I worry. And I will worry until all is good again. I just need to remember to breathe, have faith, and look for the silver linings.