Doubts. They can make us feel weak. They can make us question everything we have done or plan to do. They have been stuck in my mind like the plague. And now it is time to get out there and just tell them to the world because honestly, I feel speaking our doubts is the best way to overcome our doubts.
I doubt my legs right now. After a wonderful, yet speedy, run on Wednesday followed up with some mile repeats my right IT band tightened up. I responded logically. I foam rolled. I stretched. I cut back mileage and speed the next couple of days. Come Saturday, I really didn't have the heart to run. I was doubtful of my capability. And that can definitely impact performance. But darling daughter and I headed to the gym, I was prepared with the supplies to run 9-10 miles, but my mind was doubtful. After 2 miles I was bored and figured, hey, if I toss in some drills on the treadmill it may pep up my spirit. I did some different stuff for 5 minutes and figured, get back to the run. After 0.5 miles of feeling tortured with each step, I called it quits and headed over to the foam rollers for some love and stretching. During that time I came to terms with the fact that each day can't be great and went to pick up darling daughter. I felt weak. She wanted to know why I was so quick. I told her I didn't have my running legs and that not all runs can be wonderful. She told me to go try again. After thinking for a moment I figured why not. I did another 2 miles, the best miles of the day, and went back to get her. I was happier.....for awhile.
We then headed to the store and my right IT band was tightening up and I could feel it in my knee. Doubts. Did I do the wrong thing? Was it bad to go another 2 miles? Am I going down the road to injury? Am I injured? Can I continue my running streak? Did I make two bad running calls in one week?
I told you, they plague you. But mine go deeper. Will I be able to run the half marathon on the 23rd? Will I be successful or will I have a DNF or worse yet, a DNS (did not start)?
Yesterday I tried to be smart. I ran only a mile. A very slow mile outside. My leg didn't hurt at all. I iced, I rested (as much as I could), I did the Epsom salt bath I love so much. But at the end of the day, my leg was feeling tight. Dear hubby massaged it, for the second night in a row. I felt like my IT band was releasing as it is less tender. I felt hopeful.
And then I woke up this morning. All was good until my walk into work. I felt a little something where my IT was the most tender last night. Doubts. Is it getting worse again? Or is it just the ache of being manipulated thoroughly in a massage? Was the massage a bad idea? Should I ice now? Should I apply heat? Will I be able to run?
Daily Gratitude: I am grateful for a supportive online community of runners who might be able to give me a good kick in the butt right now. Daily Affirmation: I will find the strength to overcome my doubts.