Let me get something out of the way before I write this lengthy post: I understand that there are alot of people out there who really suffer from bipolarness (is that a word?) and by no means am I making fun of them or downgrading their affliction. So, with that out of the way....
I've come to the conclusion today that I am a Bipolar Runner. One minute I'm UP! and I love running and the next minute I'm down and running is the last thing in the world that I want to do. This affliction does not affect any other part of my life. I promise. Just running and running alone...okay, and maybe sometimes laundry, and maybe sometimes cleaning. On second thought, I'm always down about those tasks, so no Mom, I don't think I need to be medicated for my "issues".
At any rate, last week I was UP! and declared to the world, or at least to everyone who got my Christmas card letter and to everyone who reads this blog (which is a big world, by the way) that I was running the Boston Marathon in 2011. Well, here I am just a few short days later declaring to all you blog readers and stalkers alike, that I am not, in fact, running the Boston Marathon in 2011. I would notify my Christmas card letter receivers but that would really be pushing this whole situation over the edge...and be ridiculous...and be a waste of time....and they should be reading my blog anyway.
Where was I?
Oh, so I'm not doing it. I don't plan on training for a Boston Qualifying marathon in 2010, or any marathon for that matter. As odd as it sounds, the idea of running another marathon (at this point in my life) does not sound fun. Really. The entire funtasticness of it all is just not there. I think about running one and I immediately get a headache. I am even getting a headache typing about it.
Honestly, I just cannot wrap my arms around all the time and energy that I'm going to have to put into it. I'm a 23 minute 5ker (on only a couple of occasions) and, not only would I have to get that time down to the 21's to feel like I had a decent shot, but I'd also have to run all those long and painful long runs...mostly alone....in the cold...and then the heat...and then I'd have to do it all at a much-faster-than-I'm-running-now-pace. See, I told you it didn't sound fun.
Not that I'm totally ruling Boston out in my lifetime, but I just need to achieve a few more things before I even consider giving a real shot. Mainly, running faster and longer and being comfortable with it. The idea of trying to cram all of that into 8 or 9 months is just unfathomable. Not to mention that I have other goals for 2010 that I'd like to achieve...and...wow...I can't believe I'm about to say this...but...I can't do everything.
I haven't told Troy and I only told RC in the same email that I sent to wish his lovely wife a Happy Birthday...I was hoping that maybe they are in a margarita induced birthday celebration so maybe the whole "I'm bailing on Boston" message won't come across really loudly or clearly...of course, until he reads this post. But, by then I'll have my game plan together and I'll be able to show him how ridiculous it was to even think that I could be ready by fall anyway.
So, if I'm not going to do it, what am I going to do?
Well, first I'm going to Vegas and brush up on my black jack skills. And after that I'm thinking about entering a hot dog eating contest...no, wait...a Twinkie eating contest. And then after that I'm thinking about learning how to become a birdman, ...wait, that would be a birdWOman. Big plans people, big plans.
Okay, so really Troy would divorce me if I entered a Twinkie eating contest or became a compulsive gambler, and since one of my goals for 2010 is to keep my marriage intact, I'll scratch those ideas...and becoming a birdwoman...well, he would think that's really cool but I'd never really follow through with it (deep down, I'm really chicken little - but don't tell anyone.)
So in lieu of becoming an addict, I think I'll work on a few fitness goals that have been lingering over my head. Like losing a few body fat percentage points. Which means I'll be picking back up with regular Fit Camps and maybe even throwing in a day of yoga or riding my bike during the week. As far as running goes, I'll keep on being Grasshopper. I still plan on running all those races I listed on my last post and my goal by the end of 2010 is to be a faster, leaner Grasshopper with some super-PRs to boot.
On the personal side of things, I'd like to spend more time with my friends and family. 2009 came and went and I feel like I didn't spend anytime with anyone. I'd like to make them a priority for 2010. I'd also like to get myself more organized in my new job with Dent Tricks. I'm still not there and it's driving me nuts. And I'd just like to be happy in 2010. Not that I wasn't happy in 2009, but I think I just let everything take over my life and I never stopped to smell the tea olive. I don't want that to happen in 2010. And then, because everyone in the world keeps asking me, YES we are going to try and have a little Troy or a little Amy. If that's what the world wants, then who are we to deny them, right? And finally, I want to organize my recipe collection. Weird goal, but it's been weighing on my brain for a while and 2010 looks like a good year to separate the poultry recipes from the chocolate dessert recipes....because chocolate flavored chicken has never sounded good to me anyway.
So, see, Boston just didn't fit into all of that...so I'm bailing....backing out...packing up my crayons and going home.
It's funny because I never thought I would get to the point where I even thought qualifying would be an option, and I never really cared. But then...I started to get a little faster and my brain started to think of all the the possibilities...and before I knew it I was telling the world that I wanted to run Boston. But, I never really stopped and thought about it. I mean, REALLY thought about it. Is this something I really want to do, or is it just something else that I can check off of my list of accomplishments? Is it something that is going to sustain me, or make me happy for a few months until the nostalgia wears off and all I have is me and my medal? And my biggest fear....would all the smaller smaller accomplishments that I'd make along the way by getting faster out of necessity, would those elation's be diminished by the constant thought that the BQ race is right around the corner. And really, I want to remember each of those days as a special day...a day that I finally overcame what I never thought was possible. I still remember the first race I ran as part of Team POD. I wasn't even trying for a PR and in one small step, I almost shattered my goal for the entire year (breaking 25 minutes). And then my goal race in May...when I inadvertently told my dad at the beginning of the race that I planned on running it 30 seconds faster than I had trained for...and then I did it! I still remember those feelings...and I want to have many more of them, not in a quest for the holy grail of running, but in a quest for overcoming everything that I never thought I was born to do.