So, maybe it was WORTH chasing that skinny little runner/cheerleader through the woods? Maybe it was WORTH the humiliation of feeling like a BLIMP trying to run? Yes, I think maybe it WAS!!! Now, if I could just find someone who specializes in knee pain....I would be all set!!
I haven't seen any pictures from the shoot and I'm pretty sure that if I looked half as bad as I felt, that I don't WANT to see them!
I have to say here that even with all of the joking about the "skinny little perky runner"....Dorian is a very lovely, kind woman and it's not really HER fault that she's so freaking amazing!! Well, actually....I guess it IS, because it takes a LOT of work to get that fit!! Also, let me clarify here that I in NO WAY think that my wonderful Team family wanted in any way to make me feel bad! They are the most warm hearted, kind people I know and I love them all dearly! I did tease Melissa a bit about blaming her for my misery, but I was only joking....Melissa is the best!
Soooo, after a bit of feeling pretty humiliated, fat and old-- I was wondering if I should just give up on running? What would my life be like without running? I could take up knitting? Quilting? No, although both seem to be really awesome and rewarding past times, I'm not really the sitting still patiently creating something type of person!
I guess the reason I have waited until now to even write about this experience is that it has taken me awhile to truly process my thoughts and feelings. I have to admit that my feelings on the subject of running have changed from day to day and sometimes from hour to hour.
I have come to the conclusion though, that-- sure I could just give up--I could be a quitter, OR I could work as hard as I can to be the BEST runner that I can be! I can sit back and whine about not being in shape....or I can spend that time GETTING in shape!! No, I won't ever be the young, skinny, fast runner that Dorian is, and I will always have the arthritis in my knee to deal with, but I can commit to doing everything in my power to reach MY goals. I will NOT stop running!!
Maybe some of this comes from sheer stubbornness, but sometimes I think stubbornness is necessary! After being called "an old used car without that many more good miles left in me" by a doctor (yeah, he's still alive) and having him ask if I really wanted to waste any remaining miles by running marathons, I just became more determined to run marathons!! And after having an experience with being hospitalized with hyponatremia for 36 hours after a marathon and being told by my sweet husband that I WOULD NOT RUN ANYMORE MARATHONS--well, I love the man but did he REALLY tell me that I was not ALLOWED to run another marathon??? Yeah, well....I think that was 7 marathons ago!!!
I have started back on my diet and healthy eating plan and I have been running, stretching and lifting weights. When I run NYC this fall, first and foremost I will be running for the kids and Camp, but I will also be running for ME....a BETTER me!! So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really did benefit from this whole modeling experience! Yeah, my pride took a bit of a hit initially, but hey--I am a tough, sassy, (sometimes mistaken for bitchy!), determined Southern woman who REFUSES to sit around and just let old age take over without a hell of a fight!!
Now, if I could just convince my family that now that I'm a "supermodel" I shouldn't have to do laundry, clean floors or wash dishes! Oh, and I'm pretty sure most supermodels don't clean toilets!!!??? Guess they will just have to take over those chores! Yeah, I don't see that happening anytime soon! Mainly because we ALL know that I'm not REALLY by ANY stretch of the imagination...a supermodel! I AM however a RUNNER and as long as I can keep moving forward, I will REMAIN a runner! Not a fast runner, but hey....I'm okay with that!! Anyway, if I stopped running, I would have to change the name of my website!! pamrobbinsruns.com !!!