This post is dedicated to my darling dear sweet sister despite the fact that she completely left me hanging in my desperate time of need this evening.
I should have known it was going to be a little weird when I left the house for the pool this evening and one of my neighbors was watering the street. Grown adult seemingly sensible type neighbor. Weird. Can not imagine exactly why the street needed watering.
Anyhow...plan for swimming goes like this. Escape my house the moment my kids' heads hit their pillows. Swim a 1/2 mile before my mom and sister show up. Give them a 1/2 hour swim lesson. Swim another 1/2 mile. And voila! I have cross trained.
Tonight however, I was just about to push off on my 2nd 1/2 mile when things began to happen. Fortunately a lane had cleared up because a couple of floaters (really that's all they were doing) decided to stopping hogging two lanes and go make out in the corner of the pool (sorry lifeguards. I know that sucks, but it worked to my advantage so I'm kind of glad they went on their merry way. There was no swimming around these people or sharing lanes with them if you catch my drift). My mom & sister were going to practice some of the skills they'd just learned in my lane to be near the wall so as to reduce their chances of drowning since that would afterall reflect poorly on me, their swim teacher. But this old dude shows up and looking very confused with goggles in hand, gets partially in the lane and stares at us. Since we were in the first lane near the stairs, I just figured he was entering there and would move to another lane, so I just smiled and nodded. He smiled back. Then I started swimming my first lap. Once I hit the wall and turned around, I learned my assumption was incorrect. For there was this big mess of water heading my way near the center of the lane which happened to be breaststroking (kind of) so frogishlike legs were going EVERYWHERE. Needless to say I hugged the lane line on the way back down.
But for some unexplainable reason I felt obligated to stay there, like I might offend him if I moved. I mean after all he had looked confused and I was the one that offered they hey why don't you swim here welcoming smile. So I stayed...and swam as fast as I could with no breaks. Surprisingly it felt really good. So much so that when I headed to the wall for my last turn, I was feeling a bit pumped up. I could see the fit little Asian man who wears funny looking things on his hands (that I know somehow give him a distinct advantage) just a couple of body lengths ahead and I thought to myself "no way dude...I am sooo gonna catch you." I did AND I knocked a good 5 minutes off my 1/2 mile swim. Boo ya.
However the by far weirdest thing that happened all night was the bare naked middle aged woman in the locker room. I realize in a locker room people change their clothes thus from time to time there is nakedness. Still I am a fan of the discreet. I change my clothes in a stall or behind a curtain or slyly one body part at a time while the rest is covered with a towel. And I generally keep my eyes on what I'm doing. Not this lady. While my mom and sister laughed their you know what's off in another section of the locker room, I was stuck alone while this woman bared completely all and decided to befriend me.
"Are you going to make it home for the game?" was her opening line as her towel dropped to reveal her bare bottom. I literally had no idea what she was talking about or even who she was talking to. I was just tying my shoes. Upon realizing no one was responded, I looked up. And there was a$$ right in front of my face and nobody else in sight. "Uhh...what game?" I asked. "You know, the big game. Final four." Right. Basketball. I could care less. And now her towel had dropped even more. "Yeah. Probably. I'm sure my husband's going to be watching it." Then, suddenly and without warning the towel was gone. I have no idea what else she said to me or what I said back. I only know that I was talking really REALLY loud as if somehow someone anyone (hmmm....like my sister or my mom) would come and rescue me. But no one came.
At this point I had already finished packing my back pack. I was totally dressed. But this naked lady basketball fan just kept talking and asking me questions. AND WHY WOULDN'T SHE PUT CLOTHES ON? Is it just me or is it slightly bizarre to have an entire conversation with someone you've never met before fully facing them while you are completely naked?
I finally managed to end the conversation with something like well you have a great night and then proceeded to turn around and walk away from the exit to go around the benches since this lady was blocking my quickest escape. My sister sees me come out of that section of the locker room and follows me out into the hallway. The minute we get out there, I turn to look at her and she is cracking up. "She was totally naked!" I said. To which my sister replied, "I know. I saw her." (Saw her and hid!) Later she would inform me that that seems to be the naked side of the locker room where women like to just be free and let it all hang out. Sometimes I wish I was a little more like that, but I think for now I'll just use a locker on the we divert our eyes and don't talk until we're all fully clothed side of the locker room.
And as for Miss Funnypants, A.K.A. my sister, I'm going to remember this and if you are ever faced with your very own friendly locker room nude don't even try to talk loud cause I ain't bailing you out. In fact, if I see that lady again, I'm going to tell her just what a HUGE basketball fan you are.
Well...that is of course only if I can recognize her with her clothes on...
'Til next time...
P.S. If anybody's having trouble posting a comment or has to post it twice to get it to show up, let me know. I changed the settings around a little bit and my mom said she couldn't post a comment the other day, but she wasn't sure if she did something wrong. THANKS!