Women actually do love sex, but before they can feel their desire for it, they have more requirements than men. A man doesn’t readily understand this because throughout his life, he gets many messages that women don’t like sex. To sustain passion and attraction in a relationship over the years, a man needs clear messages that she loves having sex with him.
As a general rule, men peak in their sexual interest between the ages of seventeen and nineteen. A woman, quite differently, reaches her sexual prime between the ages of thirty-six and thirty-eight. This is similar to the pattern that men and women experience during sex. The man gets aroused very quickly with little if any foreplay-except for the perceived opportunity to have sex-while a woman requires substantially more time. Quite naturally, because of this longer and more complex arousal stage, a man wrongly concludes that women don’t like sex as much as he does. And of course as we know today, that is simply not the case. A mother’s attitude about sex may may also influence a man’s feelings about sex. If as an adolescent, he was fearful of having his mother find out about his growing interest in sex and girls, he might have gotten the message that his sexual appetite was not perfectly okay. Later in life when he is with a woman that he cares about, these subconscious little voices emerge from a place of ill-defined feelings saying to him, “I can’t be openly sexual around her or I will be rejected.”
These past experiences may not directly cause a man to lose interest, but they certainly make him more sensitive to feeling rejected when his partner appears to be disinterested in having sex. When for whatever reason, she is, “not in the mood,” subconsciously he begins to feel, “I knew it. She really doesn’t want to have sex with me.”
One important way to counteract this natural male tendency is for a woman to give a man repeated subtle messages that she does indeed like sex. Her acceptance of an occasional “quickie,” is the strongest message of support that she can give. Another powerfully positive message it to be supportive whenever her partner attempts to initiate sex.
When a man’s partner seems uncertain about having sex, instead of giving up, he should say, “Is there a part of you that wants to have sex with me?” Almost always she will say yes. Hearing her say, “Sure a part of me always wants to have sex with you,” is music to his ears.
Generally men don’t want to talk about their sexual desires so much as they want to act them out. And while the act of sex is of course gratifying to a woman, being able to express her sexual desires is a link to her arousal. A man might be thinking of charging ahead while a woman is thinking about romance. In truth, the greater effort they both make toward accommodating their differing styles of arousal the more satisfying their mutual sex life will become.