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Why Hillary Clinton and Other Women Stay with Men Who Cheat

Posted Aug 25 2008 3:07pm
Hillary Clinton’s interview on the Tyra Banks Show has resurrected the question of why some women choose to stay with a cheating husband rather than get a divorce.

It’s hard for many women to understand why a woman like Hillary Clinton would stay married to a husband like Bill Clinton who reportedly has a history of extramarital affairs, and is rumored to have cheated on her on more than one occasion ( Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, and Paula Jones)

Reasons Women Stay with Cheating Men

Below are just a few of the many reasons wives choose to stay with husbands who cheat:

· Love

· Convenience

· Financial reasons

· Not willing to give up lifestyle

· Insufficient proof of infidelity

· For the sake of the children

· Fear of change

· Low self esteem

· Bad timing

· Thinking the cheater will change

· To achieve career goals

· Hoping counseling will help

· Fear of being alone

· Loyalty

· Religious beliefs

· Desire to keep the family intact

· Belief that it won’t happen again

There are other reasons, as well -- reasons which make sense only to the woman involved.

In the end, it comes down to a woman doing what she feels is in her (and her children’s) best interests.

In her interview with Tyra Banks, Hillary Clinton stated “I really had to dig down deep and think hard about what was right for me, what was right for my family.”

A Woman Shouldn’t Have to Explain

Having been a victim of infidelity myself, I feel that no woman – not even Hillary Clinton -- should have to explain or defend her decision to anyone (other than her children) why she has chosen to leave or to stay with a husband who cheats.

Choosing to leave, or to stay with a cheating spouse is a personal matter. Some women may make a spur the moment decision when they find out about the affair. And many times they may regret their choice. For other women, whether to stay or leave is a carefully thought-out decision in which many factors have been taken into consideration.

So, while we can speculate, no one can presume to know the real reasons Hillary chose to stay with Bill, except Hillary Clinton, herself.

What NOT to Do When a Husband Cheats

Friends, family members – even total strangers – who know about the affair like to weigh in on what a woman should do when she finds out about her husband’s affair.

With 15 years of researching male and female infidelity, and consulting with infidelity victims, I’ve found that it’s more important to know what NOT to do.

Most women react blindly when they find out about their husband’s affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge cause them to do things they later regret.

Regardless of whether a woman ultimately decides to stay with her husband or leave him, doing the wrong thing in the initial stages of discovery will only make a bad situation worse. And it can sabotage the course of action she later decides to take. Hillary Clinton was smart to avoid making a decision in the heat of the moment, and to take ample time to think through the situation and decide what was right for her.

For Hillary Clinton, the right decision was to stay. For me the right decision was to leave. ( I’ve been happily married for 8 years now to a man whose first wife cheated on him) Each woman has to make her own choice. The most important thing to do is avoid making a mistake that can sabotage whatever course of action you later decide to take.

FREE Tips on How to Avoid Making a Mistake

My special report entitled 5 Things You SHOULDN'T Do If He’s Cheating on You , can help you avoid making a fatal mistake if your husband is having an affair. It covers five things you should avoid doing immediately after discovering your cheating husband’s extramarital affair, and examines the reasons why. For your FREE copy, email with 5 things-b in the subject line.

For more information on infidelity, cheating spouses, and extramarital affairs, visit

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