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why cant i ever orgasm during intercourse?


Posted by WoodRat

ive been in a 3 and a half year relationship and i cannot orgasm! its so damn frustrating cause my boyfriend feels like hes not satisfying me enough or that he suck in bed but thats not true, hes amazing. wev tried all types of positions and lubricants and toys.  nothing makes the magic happen. :(
 
Answers (1)
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You are trying too hard and have become goal oriented in your lovemaking, a common trap many lovers fall into. The goal orientation to lovemaking means you are trying to get to orgasm. Some couples make it that they try to get to orgasm at the same instant so they come together. This is understandable, but most unfortunate as there can be many complications for both men and women if they take this approach, e.g., many women find they cannot orgasm at all while many men begin to suffer from erectile dysfunction (inability to get and keep an erection), and premature ejaculation (quick ejaculations before they or their partner are ready for it).

 

The solution to this is to reframe your lovemaking so that it become all about pleasure in the immediate moment. The only thing you are doing is giving and receiving pleasure. Open fully to experience the extraordinary pleasure you can receive through your 5 senses of taste, touch, hear, see and smell. In this approach there is no goal, nowhere to get to, no desired outcome (for example, you are not trying to get to orgasm). You stop trying to get to orgasm and let orgasm take care of itself, which it will do. Orgasm will then become a natural organic response that any healthy body has once your arousal and pleasure threshold is reached.

 

Thinking is the enemy of ecstasy.

 

Stop thinking about sex, stop thinking about what outcome you want to make happen, stop thinking about orgasm, stop thinking about whether you are a good enough lover or not, stop thinking about whether there is something wrong with you.

 

Instead, start feeling the sensations of seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling. Take in the sensory information (information you get through your senses, not through thinking), and most importantly, don’t give a name to what you experience. For example, “that is his tongue licking my clitoris.” Just feel his tongue licking your clitoris. Just take in the direct sensory information without naming it or thinking about it. This will take you out of your head thinking and into your body feeling sensations.

 

Take much longer in your lovemaking, with most of the added time in foreplay (before sexual intercourse) and afterplay (after sexual intercourse). Particularly for the female, what happens before and after intercourse is at least as important, and often more important than what happens during sexual intercourse. Have a long slowwwwwwww buildup, and a long slowwwwwwww wind down. Your lovemaking should be lasting hours, not just minutes, at least some of the time. If all you have is quick sex taking 5-30 minutes from start to finish, that alone could explain why you are not having orgasms.

 

Al Link and Pala Copeland 

Sexy Spiritual Relationships Membership


 

 

NOTICE: The information provided on this site is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on Wellsphere. If you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately.
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