A new reader on the other side of the world was kind enough to email me a few weeks ago. She had a request:
"Write about what men like and want and how they most like to be treated in these relationships!!!...what men want from courtesans (other than kindness, etc), what are the best ideas to treat them, etc etc... Something more specific than what you already wrote. Something that targets their egos, happiness, what exactly makes them the most happy..."
It took me awhile to think about this. My first response, whenever asked about what other people want is to say I haven't a clue, because I don't. This one is compounded by the fact that I am not a man, so don't have that brain configuration or perspective. The older I get, the more I think that this gender thing affects our brains. I don't know that I'll ever understand "maleness." And, of course, each man is unique.
But...with disclaimer that in mind....
I think I can relate a few things gleaned over the years by listening to men and reading some escort boards.
The Sex Considerations:
Although this might sound weird, after seeing all the restrictions some agency escorts have, I think it should be said that they want someone who enjoys and is open and interested in sex.
Men want to know the woman genuinely enjoys what they are doing to their bodies. We all like that. Part of many men's turn-on is triggered by watching, feeling and experiencing their partner's arousal. Discussion boards are always talking about how the escort seemed to enjoy herself. If she orgasms, there is often a discussion as to how often and how real they seemed. Because this is discussed, I infer it's important.
But I don't think it enough to just have orgasms...I would think that a man would appreciate a woman who enjoys their bodies, too. So having a certain level of familiarity and experience with bodies as a whole and the male areas of arousal would be important. Again...many "techniques" can be applied fairly universally and bring pleasure. But each person is unique with their own set of likes and dislikes and these are the areas of learning with each new partner. It's the eagerness, adaptability, ability to learn and openness that win the day in being "a good sex partner." Good, genuine sex makes them happy.
The Emotional And RelationalStuff:
-As a Courtesan with long term relationships, we are selective, choosing those we want to hang out with for extended time periods. I think that first and foremost, the men we are with want to know we genuinely enjoy them and want to be there.
This must be important because I've also seen this discussed on escort boards. Even though everyone is clear this is a paying situation, they want to know the woman is being authentic. I understand this. There's nothing worse to me than thinking someone is being polite or fake while running an internal dialogue that runs counter to what's presented.
-Often, a man comes to us because of some emotional lacking in their marriage. It's easy after many years of marriage for a couple to have this thing happen which I call "becoming common to each other." It's easy to start taking each other for granted. I think we have to be vigilant to keep a fresh vision of our relationships and partners. Resentments can build from our efforts not being recognized by our partners. Many men are seeking someone who takes a genuine interest in them and their day to day lives.
I have a bit of a chameleon nature in that lots of things interest me. I can go with the flow of lots in life and genuinely enjoy myself. I also have a keen interest in people and their life stories. I can listen for hours. In person, I am, by far, much more of a listener than a talker. My contribution to conversations with gents is often in the form of asking questions and requests for clarification or commenting on topics, bringing out more from them. It's not something I try to do or plan. It just ends up that way because I love hearing about others lives way more than I like rehashing mine. (I save that for all of you lovelies here, smiles.)
When they find an eager audience, my experiene is that many men start to really go for it. I've found this to be especially true of Veterans. Not all, mind you. Some people won't talk about their service experiences at all. But if you find one, you will be amazed at how much they need this audience. Generally, those around them are sick to death of the stories told and retold. But they need to talk. And talk they do, when given a genuinely eager ear.
-I know that my gents really smiled lots at little things I would remember about them. I would make sure their favorite snacks, treats, and drinks were there. I got them a robe. I would play their favorite kind of music. It's kind of like being a personal concierge, tending to the little details that can often make a difference. And when I would remember something they talked about months before, they would often be shocked that I cared and listened enough to take in what they were saying and reference how that project or something was going.
-One of the things I learned from David Deida, is that "maleness" is about success in the world (however he defines that). Deida feels a man gets his deep sense of identity from what he does; his creativity and making his mark are his "life task" so to speak. It makes sense to me that if this is true, then showing an interest in that most important aspect of a man's life would be important.
Again...it has to be genuine. It helps to have a fairly keen mind...or one that grasps business in general if not the particulars of a specific one or can, at least, ask fairly intelligent questions. Men who have long term Courtesan relationships are financially successful men. Generally, they get there because they love challenge.
Successful men also generally love a strong, intelligent, independent, successful woman. Although I'm not sure how much I agree with this assessment, in my research/reading days, I ran across a woman who taught women how to meet successful men. She was of the opinion that men loved a strong woman, but one who was flawed in some way because then it gave them some challenge to focus on. What I took from this is that I didn't have to be perfect, just myself. (which, smiles, would give them plenty to focus on...hmmmm...is this why they liked me????)
-I have also observed that men love to help. Combine that with the "challenge" thingie and you can sometimes have someone who wants to be a mentor of some sort. Sometimes the patron even sets the woman up in a business venture of some sort. I've seen many men's profiles on sites that specifically state they want to mentor.
-If he is also looking for an adventure/play partner, a man will try and find someone with his common interests. For example- Are you sporty? Do you like opera? Museums? If you aren't/don't...is there a way to find enjoyment? Find out what interests him, then find a way to make it better for him and more enjoyable with you along.
-Finally- I've also heard that men like to be appreciated. Makes sense to me, because who doesn't? I always, always said thank you when my gents gifted me. I always thanked them when they bought or did stuff for me, sent them notes of gratitude whenever we met. We all like to have our efforts recognized, and I find it a good thing for me to be grateful for whatever I can in life.
I think patrons want basic human stuff, really...things which every relationship could use to keep it alive and juicy.
If there are men or women out there who can add to this, I would appreciate it. So much of what I did/do as a Courtesan just flows as part of my overall personality and from things learned, primarily unconsciously, but integrated into "me." I don't remember ever going into a meeting with a game plan on how I was going to treat someone. I was just me. So being able to recognize and articulate something even kind of new hasn't been particularly easy. Thanks!