I have been writing about a lot of fluff lately… Maybe it is the rainy weather that has me wanting to go deeper. To the meat and potatoes… Actually, that makes me hungry:). But, I am going to write what is on my mind first… What is love? Can you imagine how many millions of times this has been asked across the decades? But I wonder how many times the person asking that question actually stopped long enough to listen for the answer?
Is love two people coming together and meshing their lives until they no longer recognize lines or personal boundaries? Is it what we see in the movies or what is sold on Valentine’s Day? Is love monogamy? Is love time spent?
Some say love is a feeling… which to me is a frightening concept. Are not feelings fleeting and forever changing as quickly as water passing through your hands? Can your hands capture water and hold on to it? Can we capture the “feeling” called love and hold on to it?
When I think of love, on the level society believes, it reminds me of a handful of sand…. Thousands of grains and aspects, all impossible to hold on to and cage or possess in my grasp.
That is one aspect… the aspect we see and witness since we came into this world... the aspect that our mothers and fathers believed, and their parents believed and their parents believed…
I see love as a mighty oak tree. Only as deep as its roots go in me. I believe I can only love as deeply as I love myself. It sounds cliché… but I know this for a fact. I have been going through a metamorphosis for some time now… of transforming from the fairy tale beliefs of what love is, what a man is supposed to be to me, what role I play to a man…I have slowly been moving away from the “you complete me” longings and hopes to understanding I am already complete. On my own. In fact, I would like to change the line “you complete me” to “you add to me”…. Which just doesn’t sound quite as dramatic does it?
We are used to drama being an aspect of love. One of those grains of sand I talked about earlier. Men are supposed to be a certain way and women a certain way and when those ways come together there should and always will be friction according to history… right? And in order for there to be low levels of drama someone has to either deny themselves something, pretend to be a certain way to ensure ease instead of confrontation. Then the other person has to put on the role of believing the persona of the other… never questioning… what their partner really needs. Really desires. Because maybe it might become known that what their partner needs and desires isn’t what they, the other half need and desire. Or even worse, maybe their partners would make it known that they no longer desire “this”… the relationship that has now turned into a habit and a cesspool of two people becoming stagnant and unmoved because they are too scared of losing the other person in order to be authentic or true to themselves.
In my studies and conversations over the years, even in my own experiences, it has always stunned me how very little a person actually knows about the person they are walking through life with. The person they share their bed with. The person they are so quick to claim as their own. How much hiding actually goes on between two people, simply to co-exist in a relationship?
And I find the hiding to be an effect, not a cause. In myself, the times I have hidden or maintained a role is not because I am hiding from my lover, but rather first hiding from myself.
Which brings me back to love is only as deep as your roots run. A majority of people, if they became 100% honest and authentic with themselves right now in this moment, would most likely find the shift that happens with in them so drastic that the structure of their lives and relationships no longer line up. Like an earthquake that comes along and shifts a foundation and now all the sudden everything is off. And when a foundation is even slightly off, there start the cracks in the walls and the ceiling and eventually the whole structure starts tumbling down. It sounds drastic doesn’t it? This is why most people don’t stop long enough to dig in deep and authenticate themselves. Or face themselves. Listen to what their hearts are telling them. Because if they did, they risk the chance that life as they know it will change.
Love, to me, is to be true to oneself first and foremost and in doing so, you are able and capable to love another fully. In full acceptance and freedom. Society and especially western culture say this is selfish. The complete opposite of love to serve yourself first. But society’s concept of love is a love that comes in through the back door. Not upfront. Because how we are taught to love is to do something and be something to a person all the while portraying it to be for the other person when in truth it is 100% to receive whatever our personal agenda is in coming into a relationship. Always, always expecting something in return…
What is love? Love is kind, compassionate, accepting, forgiving, freeing, inspirational, supportive, romantic, and giving and all the things we are to be to ourselves in order to be to someone else.
Love is the mighty oak tree, whose roots run deep, and those deep roots completely nourish, feed and provide the life force needed to strive and sustain in this world. And the mighty oak tree can be 100% in love with the mighty oak tree next to it, or pine tree or red wood:) but it still stands firm, deeply rooted as an individual tree. It shares the same soil… the same mother earth. The same sunshine the same rain as the other trees, but its life force and stability depend on how deep its own roots run… . How deep do your roots run?
And by the way, I entitled this article “what is love, baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…” simply to see if the song sticks in your head like it has in mine all day:)