When you begin to observe your sexual states with the slightest bit of distance, you notice that the term “sexual thought” is something of a misnomer. Sexual states that pass for sexual thoughts seem to be much richer and more varied than the term “thought” conjures. There’s the one where you involuntarily make this “mmm” or “mmm- mmmm ” sound, where the sound just escapes from your chest as you notice a particularly perfect set of breasts, or an ass that you caress with your eyes just so, following the perfect curve down her leg. What’s interesting here is that, for me at least, there’s not usually a thought about actually having sex with the woman — and here I’m talking about those times where she’s just walking along, and you have maybe 5 to 10 seconds to do the eye grope. When you see this mmmm, this woman, there’s this thrill, but what is that thrill exactly? Of course It’s not a thought — it happens before thought. It seems to me mostly like a sensation first. Sometimes there’s this burning in the chest, and we sometimes call this desire or lust, but labeling it this or that is not helpful in seeing it. If there are feelings or thoughts, they come after the sensation. Here’s how it happens with me. If a woman is walking towards me, my eyes automatically scan her shape for breasts — very fast, just the slightest look – and if they are big enough to see, then my eyes spend one or two of her steps watching them bounce. After that, I quickly look to see if she has a pretty face. Nice breasts without a pretty face are worth watching, but when you add a pretty face, the total effect is enhanced, and you start experiencing beauty, which seems to be about some kind of harmony (in this case) between her face and her breasts. You ever notice a woman’s breasts, then look at her face and it’s really homely? Very different effect. Anyway, then I do a quick scan of her legs, and if I can see ass, I hold it with my eyes, the curve of it. Some women have these cute button asses that look like they have a mind of their own, and you can imagine cupping your palm on one of her cheeks, but the ones that really get me are the ones that are integral to the rest of her leg, where she has a bona fide flank – solid, full legs that just rise up and become a healthy ass. After the leg/ass scan my eyes return their focus to her breasts, searching out the biggest prize: nipples. Even the tiniest hint of a nipple is enough to give me that extra spike of a thrill. This all sounds ridiculous as I write it, or at least I can imagine that a woman reading this would be slightly appalled. But it’s a habit developed over many years, a habit of looking, and I’d be willing to bet that most men practice some form of eye grope. I think it started for me in 8th grade — I remember walking around the mall and suddenly noticing breasts everywhere. Each time you see a pair, there’s a little positive reinforcement such that by the time you’re my age, it seems pretty hard-wired, and you feel that you just can’t help yourself. Always looking for the next hit — a woman leaning over, a woman with no bra where you can really see her nipples, a woman in a short skirt — always looking for it, always looking to see more woman. But it’s really just a habit. Women walk around showing their bodies in our culture, and men develop habits of looking. My wife wants to “be attractive” — what does that really mean? To be wanted sexually? To be wanted as a person? Does my interest in your tits make you feel like a better person? Are women even slightly aware that this is all going on? I certainly have never let on. I have always been able to do the eye grope (with some slight concessions) while with any other woman, and no one has ever noticed me doing it. I know there are men who are less skilled at it — I hear of them from women from time to time, how so-and-so did a really obvious eye grope, up and down her body. Like he had a choice. I wonder how differently a man in a Muslim country practices this habit. Lacking anything more revealing to see, does he look at a woman’s hands, her fingernails, her height, her width? But I digress. I meant to describe what I observe to be “sexual thoughts.” What I have just described falls farthest from the definition of “thought,” being mainly an immediate bodily sensation caused by direct experience of the presence of a sexy woman. In this case, the stimulus comes from the outside, or rather, the object-imbued-with-sexuality launches into your ’self’ from the outside, starting a chain of physical reactions that, secondarily, create associations that give rise to feelings. Then there’s the external stimuli that’s not specifically sexual, but that somehow triggers the body’s sense-of-being-sexually-stimulated. I’m thinking here of air: those times where (for example) you’ve had a shower, your body feels really clean, and the air is just the right temperature, and maybe there’s the slightest little breeze coming through the window, and you lie down, naked, onto clean sheets. Now, there’s nothing inherently sexual about this. But the sensations you experience sometimes start a chain of sexual thoughts and associations. Maybe they aren’t really thoughts — sometimes my experience has been that my skin just feels so good that I want to touch it, and then I start, you know, getting myself going. On the other hand, sometimes an image will come into my mind, and I’ll start to fantasize — a woman undressing, straddling me with her wet pussy, etc. etc. And then I’m “in it,” in the tumult of the sexual craziness. Once you’re “in it,” it’s a whole different set of stuff going on, all the automatic physiological reactions that accompany any sexual experience — the change in breathing, the arching up, the slow dance to crescendo. After sexual states that arise from some external stimuli, there’s fantasy. In fantasy, you may start out with absolutely no sexual “material” — for example, you might just be bored, or you’re wide awake and you want to put yourself to sleep. How many times have I been bored and thought, hey, I’ll have sex with someone (in my mind). And I’ll do whatever I need to do, get into bed or whatever, and then pick someone who I may or may not know, but generally it’ll probably be the “most recent thrill” person — that is, if I’m in a relationship, I’ll think back to the last good sex we had and replay it (maybe with variations). Or if I’m not, or if I just want someone different, maybe someone I work with, someone I met briefly, whatever, then I’ll pick them and set up a scenario and play it out. So I’m actively generating the images, the sexual thoughts, that stimulate sexual sensations. There may or may not have been any sexual feelings floating around my body before that time — I’m simply using images to generate those sensations. So this is a different kind of sexual thought than the ones above, where — whack! — you just see someone from out of the blue. Some would say that porn is the same thing as fantasy. But to me, porn is basically like sticking a vibrator on your dick — it takes no skill, the effect is intense, and the result is inevitable. There’s no foreplay, there’s not even a brief seduction — she’s just spread out on the bed, waiting for you to fuck her. It’s like watching TV: it takes no imagination to participate. Here it seems that you are simply jump-starting the “in it” part, putting yourself directly into the automatic state of sexual excitement that leads to climax. Here there are not really thoughts at all, or rather, the interim sensations that usually lead into the full-blown heavy breathing are bypassed. Of course, there are sensations, but it is almost as though your body were contacting the body in the picture or movie directly. When you begin to observe your sexual states with the slightest bit of distance, you notice that the term “sexual thought” is something of a misnomer. Sexual states that pass for sexual thoughts seem to be much richer and more varied than the term “thought” conjures. There’s the one where you involuntarily make this “mmm” or “mmm- mmmm ” sound, where the sound just escapes from your chest as you notice a particularly perfect set of breasts, or an ass that you caress with your eyes just so, following the perfect curve down her leg. What’s interesting here is that, for me at least, there’s not usually a thought about actually having sex with the woman — and here I’m talking about those times where she’s just walking along, and you have maybe 5 to 10 seconds to do the eye grope. When you see this mmmm, this woman, there’s this thrill, but what is that thrill exactly? Of course It’s not a thought — it happens before thought. It seems to me mostly like a sensation first. Sometimes there’s this burning in the chest, and we sometimes call this desire or lust, but labeling it this or that is not helpful in seeing it. If there are feelings or thoughts, they come after the sensation. Here’s how it happens with me. If a woman is walking towards me, my eyes automatically scan her shape for breasts — very fast, just the slightest look – and if they are big enough to see, then my eyes spend one or two of her steps watching them bounce. After that, I quickly look to see if she has a pretty face. Nice breasts without a pretty face are worth watching, but when you add a pretty face, the total effect is enhanced, and you start experiencing beauty, which seems to be about some kind of harmony (in this case) between her face and her breasts. You ever notice a woman’s breasts, then look at her face and it’s really homely? Very different effect. Anyway, then I do a quick scan of her legs, and if I can see ass, I hold it with my eyes, the curve of it. Some women have these cute button asses that look like they have a mind of their own, and you can imagine cupping your palm on one of her cheeks, but the ones that really get me are the ones that are integral to the rest of her leg, where she has a bona fide flank – solid, full legs that just rise up and become a healthy ass. After the leg/ass scan my eyes return their focus to her breasts, searching out the biggest prize: nipples. Even the tiniest hint of a nipple is enough to give me that extra spike of a thrill. This all sounds ridiculous as I write it, or at least I can imagine that a woman reading this would be slightly appalled. But it’s a habit developed over many years, a habit of looking, and I’d be willing to bet that most men practice some form of eye grope. I think it started for me in 8th grade — I remember walking around the mall and suddenly noticing breasts everywhere. Each time you see a pair, there’s a little positive reinforcement such that by the time you’re my age, it seems pretty hard-wired, and you feel that you just can’t help yourself. Always looking for the next hit — a woman leaning over, a woman with no bra where you can really see her nipples, a woman in a short skirt — always looking for it, always looking to see more woman. But it’s really just a habit. Women walk around showing their bodies in our culture, and men develop habits of looking. My wife wants to “be attractive” — what does that really mean? To be wanted sexually? To be wanted as a person? Does my interest in your tits make you feel like a better person? Are women even slightly aware that this is all going on? I certainly have never let on. I have always been able to do the eye grope (with some slight concessions) while with any other woman, and no one has ever noticed me doing it. I know there are men who are less skilled at it — I hear of them from women from time to time, how so-and-so did a really obvious eye grope, up and down her body. Like he had a choice. I wonder how differently a man in a Muslim country practices this habit. Lacking anything more revealing to see, does he look at a woman’s hands, her fingernails, her height, her width? But I digress. I meant to describe what I observe to be “sexual thoughts.” What I have just described falls farthest from the definition of “thought,” being mainly an immediate bodily sensation caused by direct experience of the presence of a sexy woman. In this case, the stimulus comes from the outside, or rather, the object-imbued-with-sexuality launches into your ’self’ from the outside, starting a chain of physical reactions that, secondarily, create associations that give rise to feelings. Then there’s the external stimuli that’s not specifically sexual, but that somehow triggers the body’s sense-of-being-sexually-stimulated. I’m thinking here of air: those times where (for example) you’ve had a shower, your body feels really clean, and the air is just the right temperature, and maybe there’s the slightest little breeze coming through the window, and you lie down, naked, onto clean sheets. Now, there’s nothing inherently sexual about this. But the sensations you experience sometimes start a chain of sexual thoughts and associations. Maybe they aren’t really thoughts — sometimes my experience has been that my skin just feels so good that I want to touch it, and then I start, you know, getting myself going. On the other hand, sometimes an image will come into my mind, and I’ll start to fantasize — a woman undressing, straddling me with her wet pussy, etc. etc. And then I’m “in it,” in the tumult of the sexual craziness. Once you’re “in it,” it’s a whole different set of stuff going on, all the automatic physiological reactions that accompany any sexual experience — the change in breathing, the arching up, the slow dance to crescendo. After sexual states that arise from some external stimuli, there’s fantasy. In fantasy, you may start out with absolutely no sexual “material” — for example, you might just be bored, or you’re wide awake and you want to put yourself to sleep. How many times have I been bored and thought, hey, I’ll have sex with someone (in my mind). And I’ll do whatever I need to do, get into bed or whatever, and then pick someone who I may or may not know, but generally it’ll probably be the “most recent thrill” person — that is, if I’m in a relationship, I’ll think back to the last good sex we had and replay it (maybe with variations). Or if I’m not, or if I just want someone different, maybe someone I work with, someone I met briefly, whatever, then I’ll pick them and set up a scenario and play it out. So I’m actively generating the images, the sexual thoughts, that stimulate sexual sensations. There may or may not have been any sexual feelings floating around my body before that time — I’m simply using images to generate those sensations. So this is a different kind of sexual thought than the ones above, where — whack! — you just see someone from out of the blue. Some would say that porn is the same thing as fantasy. But to me, porn is basically like sticking a vibrator on your dick — it takes no skill, the effect is intense, and the result is inevitable. There’s no foreplay, there’s not even a brief seduction — she’s just spread out on the bed, waiting for you to fuck her. It’s like watching TV: it takes no imagination to participate. Here it seems that you are simply jump-starting the “in it” part, putting yourself directly into the automatic state of sexual excitement that leads to climax. Here there are not really thoughts at all, or rather, the interim sensations that usually lead into the full-blown heavy breathing are bypassed. Of course, there are sensations, but it is almost as though your body were contacting the body in the picture or movie directly.
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When you begin to observe your sexual states with the slightest bit of distance, you notice that the term “sexual thought” is something of a misnomer. Sexual states that pass for sexual thoughts seem to be much richer and more varied than the term “thought” conjures.
There’s the one where you involuntarily make this “mmm” or “mmm- mmmm ” sound, where the sound just escapes from your chest as you notice a particularly perfect set of breasts, or an ass that you caress with your eyes just so, following the perfect curve down her leg. What’s interesting here is that, for me at least, there’s not usually a thought about actually having sex with the woman — and here I’m talking about those times where she’s just walking along, and you have maybe 5 to 10 seconds to do the eye grope.
When you see this mmmm, this woman, there’s this thrill, but what is that thrill exactly? Of course It’s not a thought — it happens before thought. It seems to me mostly like a sensation first. Sometimes there’s this burning in the chest, and we sometimes call this desire or lust, but labeling it this or that is not helpful in seeing it. If there are feelings or thoughts, they come after the sensation.
Here’s how it happens with me. If a woman is walking towards me, my eyes automatically scan her shape for breasts — very fast, just the slightest look – and if they are big enough to see, then my eyes spend one or two of her steps watching them bounce. After that, I quickly look to see if she has a pretty face. Nice breasts without a pretty face are worth watching, but when you add a pretty face, the total effect is enhanced, and you start experiencing beauty, which seems to be about some kind of harmony (in this case) between her face and her breasts. You ever notice a woman’s breasts, then look at her face and it’s really homely? Very different effect. Anyway, then I do a quick scan of her legs, and if I can see ass, I hold it with my eyes, the curve of it. Some women have these cute button asses that look like they have a mind of their own, and you can imagine cupping your palm on one of her cheeks, but the ones that really get me are the ones that are integral to the rest of her leg, where she has a bona fide flank – solid, full legs that just rise up and become a healthy ass. After the leg/ass scan my eyes return their focus to her breasts, searching out the biggest prize: nipples. Even the tiniest hint of a nipple is enough to give me that extra spike of a thrill.
This all sounds ridiculous as I write it, or at least I can imagine that a woman reading this would be slightly appalled. But it’s a habit developed over many years, a habit of looking, and I’d be willing to bet that most men practice some form of eye grope. I think it started for me in 8th grade — I remember walking around the mall and suddenly noticing breasts everywhere. Each time you see a pair, there’s a little positive reinforcement such that by the time you’re my age, it seems pretty hard-wired, and you feel that you just can’t help yourself. Always looking for the next hit — a woman leaning over, a woman with no bra where you can really see her nipples, a woman in a short skirt — always looking for it, always looking to see more woman. But it’s really just a habit.
Women walk around showing their bodies in our culture, and men develop habits of looking. My wife wants to “be attractive” — what does that really mean? To be wanted sexually? To be wanted as a person? Does my interest in your tits make you feel like a better person? Are women even slightly aware that this is all going on? I certainly have never let on. I have always been able to do the eye grope (with some slight concessions) while with any other woman, and no one has ever noticed me doing it. I know there are men who are less skilled at it — I hear of them from women from time to time, how so-and-so did a really obvious eye grope, up and down her body. Like he had a choice. I wonder how differently a man in a Muslim country practices this habit. Lacking anything more revealing to see, does he look at a woman’s hands, her fingernails, her height, her width?
But I digress. I meant to describe what I observe to be “sexual thoughts.” What I have just described falls farthest from the definition of “thought,” being mainly an immediate bodily sensation caused by direct experience of the presence of a sexy woman. In this case, the stimulus comes from the outside, or rather, the object-imbued-with-sexuality launches into your ’self’ from the outside, starting a chain of physical reactions that, secondarily, create associations that give rise to feelings.
Then there’s the external stimuli that’s not specifically sexual, but that somehow triggers the body’s sense-of-being-sexually-stimulated. I’m thinking here of air: those times where (for example) you’ve had a shower, your body feels really clean, and the air is just the right temperature, and maybe there’s the slightest little breeze coming through the window, and you lie down, naked, onto clean sheets. Now, there’s nothing inherently sexual about this. But the sensations you experience sometimes start a chain of sexual thoughts and associations. Maybe they aren’t really thoughts — sometimes my experience has been that my skin just feels so good that I want to touch it, and then I start, you know, getting myself going. On the other hand, sometimes an image will come into my mind, and I’ll start to fantasize — a woman undressing, straddling me with her wet pussy, etc. etc. And then I’m “in it,” in the tumult of the sexual craziness. Once you’re “in it,” it’s a whole different set of stuff going on, all the automatic physiological reactions that accompany any sexual experience — the change in breathing, the arching up, the slow dance to crescendo.
After sexual states that arise from some external stimuli, there’s fantasy. In fantasy, you may start out with absolutely no sexual “material” — for example, you might just be bored, or you’re wide awake and you want to put yourself to sleep. How many times have I been bored and thought, hey, I’ll have sex with someone (in my mind). And I’ll do whatever I need to do, get into bed or whatever, and then pick someone who I may or may not know, but generally it’ll probably be the “most recent thrill” person — that is, if I’m in a relationship, I’ll think back to the last good sex we had and replay it (maybe with variations). Or if I’m not, or if I just want someone different, maybe someone I work with, someone I met briefly, whatever, then I’ll pick them and set up a scenario and play it out. So I’m actively generating the images, the sexual thoughts, that stimulate sexual sensations. There may or may not have been any sexual feelings floating around my body before that time — I’m simply using images to generate those sensations. So this is a different kind of sexual thought than the ones above, where — whack! — you just see someone from out of the blue.
Some would say that porn is the same thing as fantasy. But to me, porn is basically like sticking a vibrator on your dick — it takes no skill, the effect is intense, and the result is inevitable. There’s no foreplay, there’s not even a brief seduction — she’s just spread out on the bed, waiting for you to fuck her. It’s like watching TV: it takes no imagination to participate. Here it seems that you are simply jump-starting the “in it” part, putting yourself directly into the automatic state of sexual excitement that leads to climax. Here there are not really thoughts at all, or rather, the interim sensations that usually lead into the full-blown heavy breathing are bypassed. Of course, there are sensations, but it is almost as though your body were contacting the body in the picture or movie directly.
When you begin to observe your sexual states with the slightest bit of distance, you notice that the term “sexual thought” is something of a misnomer. Sexual states that pass for sexual thoughts seem to be much richer and more varied than the term “thought” conjures.
There’s the one where you involuntarily make this “mmm” or “mmm- mmmm ” sound, where the sound just escapes from your chest as you notice a particularly perfect set of breasts, or an ass that you caress with your eyes just so, following the perfect curve down her leg. What’s interesting here is that, for me at least, there’s not usually a thought about actually having sex with the woman — and here I’m talking about those times where she’s just walking along, and you have maybe 5 to 10 seconds to do the eye grope.
When you see this mmmm, this woman, there’s this thrill, but what is that thrill exactly? Of course It’s not a thought — it happens before thought. It seems to me mostly like a sensation first. Sometimes there’s this burning in the chest, and we sometimes call this desire or lust, but labeling it this or that is not helpful in seeing it. If there are feelings or thoughts, they come after the sensation.
Here’s how it happens with me. If a woman is walking towards me, my eyes automatically scan her shape for breasts — very fast, just the slightest look – and if they are big enough to see, then my eyes spend one or two of her steps watching them bounce. After that, I quickly look to see if she has a pretty face. Nice breasts without a pretty face are worth watching, but when you add a pretty face, the total effect is enhanced, and you start experiencing beauty, which seems to be about some kind of harmony (in this case) between her face and her breasts. You ever notice a woman’s breasts, then look at her face and it’s really homely? Very different effect. Anyway, then I do a quick scan of her legs, and if I can see ass, I hold it with my eyes, the curve of it. Some women have these cute button asses that look like they have a mind of their own, and you can imagine cupping your palm on one of her cheeks, but the ones that really get me are the ones that are integral to the rest of her leg, where she has a bona fide flank – solid, full legs that just rise up and become a healthy ass. After the leg/ass scan my eyes return their focus to her breasts, searching out the biggest prize: nipples. Even the tiniest hint of a nipple is enough to give me that extra spike of a thrill.
This all sounds ridiculous as I write it, or at least I can imagine that a woman reading this would be slightly appalled. But it’s a habit developed over many years, a habit of looking, and I’d be willing to bet that most men practice some form of eye grope. I think it started for me in 8th grade — I remember walking around the mall and suddenly noticing breasts everywhere. Each time you see a pair, there’s a little positive reinforcement such that by the time you’re my age, it seems pretty hard-wired, and you feel that you just can’t help yourself. Always looking for the next hit — a woman leaning over, a woman with no bra where you can really see her nipples, a woman in a short skirt — always looking for it, always looking to see more woman. But it’s really just a habit.
Women walk around showing their bodies in our culture, and men develop habits of looking. My wife wants to “be attractive” — what does that really mean? To be wanted sexually? To be wanted as a person? Does my interest in your tits make you feel like a better person? Are women even slightly aware that this is all going on? I certainly have never let on. I have always been able to do the eye grope (with some slight concessions) while with any other woman, and no one has ever noticed me doing it. I know there are men who are less skilled at it — I hear of them from women from time to time, how so-and-so did a really obvious eye grope, up and down her body. Like he had a choice. I wonder how differently a man in a Muslim country practices this habit. Lacking anything more revealing to see, does he look at a woman’s hands, her fingernails, her height, her width?
But I digress. I meant to describe what I observe to be “sexual thoughts.” What I have just described falls farthest from the definition of “thought,” being mainly an immediate bodily sensation caused by direct experience of the presence of a sexy woman. In this case, the stimulus comes from the outside, or rather, the object-imbued-with-sexuality launches into your ’self’ from the outside, starting a chain of physical reactions that, secondarily, create associations that give rise to feelings.
Then there’s the external stimuli that’s not specifically sexual, but that somehow triggers the body’s sense-of-being-sexually-stimulated. I’m thinking here of air: those times where (for example) you’ve had a shower, your body feels really clean, and the air is just the right temperature, and maybe there’s the slightest little breeze coming through the window, and you lie down, naked, onto clean sheets. Now, there’s nothing inherently sexual about this. But the sensations you experience sometimes start a chain of sexual thoughts and associations. Maybe they aren’t really thoughts — sometimes my experience has been that my skin just feels so good that I want to touch it, and then I start, you know, getting myself going. On the other hand, sometimes an image will come into my mind, and I’ll start to fantasize — a woman undressing, straddling me with her wet pussy, etc. etc. And then I’m “in it,” in the tumult of the sexual craziness. Once you’re “in it,” it’s a whole different set of stuff going on, all the automatic physiological reactions that accompany any sexual experience — the change in breathing, the arching up, the slow dance to crescendo.
After sexual states that arise from some external stimuli, there’s fantasy. In fantasy, you may start out with absolutely no sexual “material” — for example, you might just be bored, or you’re wide awake and you want to put yourself to sleep. How many times have I been bored and thought, hey, I’ll have sex with someone (in my mind). And I’ll do whatever I need to do, get into bed or whatever, and then pick someone who I may or may not know, but generally it’ll probably be the “most recent thrill” person — that is, if I’m in a relationship, I’ll think back to the last good sex we had and replay it (maybe with variations). Or if I’m not, or if I just want someone different, maybe someone I work with, someone I met briefly, whatever, then I’ll pick them and set up a scenario and play it out. So I’m actively generating the images, the sexual thoughts, that stimulate sexual sensations. There may or may not have been any sexual feelings floating around my body before that time — I’m simply using images to generate those sensations. So this is a different kind of sexual thought than the ones above, where — whack! — you just see someone from out of the blue.
Some would say that porn is the same thing as fantasy. But to me, porn is basically like sticking a vibrator on your dick — it takes no skill, the effect is intense, and the result is inevitable. There’s no foreplay, there’s not even a brief seduction — she’s just spread out on the bed, waiting for you to fuck her. It’s like watching TV: it takes no imagination to participate. Here it seems that you are simply jump-starting the “in it” part, putting yourself directly into the automatic state of sexual excitement that leads to climax. Here there are not really thoughts at all, or rather, the interim sensations that usually lead into the full-blown heavy breathing are bypassed. Of course, there are sensations, but it is almost as though your body were contacting the body in the picture or movie directly.