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Top Ten Reasons Not to Have an Affair

Posted Jun 25 2009 12:53pm
top reasons to not have an affair, affairs, marriages, unfaithful, the pain of an affair, how to stop an affair, why you should not have an affair, how to heal your marriage, healing marriages, intimacy and love, love, the art of intimacy, advice for affairs,
Top ten, (make that fifteen), reasons not to have an affair
1. You will regret it when it is over. I promise.

2. Many people will be hurt. You know this is true. You will be caught and marriages, children, and families will suffer.

3. It will end badly. It always does. Your heart will be broken, or your family will be broken, or your life will be broken.

4. Lying and deceiving are not good for your health. This is nothing new. The deception and lies that go along with an affair are nothing short of harmful to your body, soul, and spirit.

5. You will lose the respect of others right along with your self-respect. No question about this.

6. You promised you would be faithful. Remember your wedding day? Remember how many times you promised you would be faithful? Always there for each other? Love forever and ever? Don’t forget it!

7. It is morally, ethically, spiritually, positively, absolutely, undeniable and reliable wrong, (borrowing from the Wizard of Oz). Whatever your belief system, religion, or faith tradition, unfaithfulness is one of those universal “sins.”

8. Your partner deserves better. I don’t care how bad she or he is, you do not need to stoop so low as to be the one who inflicts this sort of harm on your former beloved. If he or she is that bad get a divorce.

9. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you; another one of those universal truths that help us know how to live a decent life. Would you want your partner to engage in similar behavior? Enough said.

10. Your fling is not worth destroying your marriage and family. Seriously, while the affair may be enticing, why not fix your marriage rather than destroying it. I can pretty much guarantee that if you expend the same amount of energy into your marriage as you would an affair, it would be a wonderful relationship.

11. It is a huge time waster. I know it sounds fun and alluring and all that, but, your time would be better spent on caring for your loved ones, playing with children, working on your relationship, or engaging in something that benefits others rather than hurts them.

12. The world does not need more people who are unfaithful, slimy, and dishonest. We have enough people who care less about their relationships and families and children What we need are more people who live a good and decent life with at least a modicum of integrity.

13. Rationalizing and justifying it will not make it right, it will just take away the guilt for a time. But guess what? The guilt will come back. It always does. You don’t get a free pass. Harming the one you promised to love, destroying your family in such a way, betraying your spouse, all come with consequences; and they are not pretty.

14. Affairs don’t lead to happiness, they destroy it. While they may offer a bit of fun and excitement they are not about joy or peace or happiness. Far from it. Affairs may imitate joy for a time but in the end, they only destroy it.

15. You know better. If you are reading this, contemplating an affair, stop and listen to your gut, (not another particular organ). Truly listen to what you know is right and honest and healthy for you. Don’t let your desire for an ego boost and a little excitement override what you know is the decent way to live. Do not let that fantasy take what is real from your life. Walk away. No, make that, RUN away.

Now, if your marriage is without hope for healing, if your partner is a horrible person, if your marriage is filled with abuse, or if you are so miserable in your relationship that you need to end it, get a divorce.

AFTER the divorce you can go out and find someone else. But, don't start another relationship until the current one is over and the end is finalized!

I'm writing this but anyone reading this knows it. Affairs come when we ignore what we know to be true; when we think the rules don't apply to us, or that we are the exception to the rule. Guess what... the rules of life do apply to you and you are not the exception.

If you are contemplating an affair... stop. If you are in an affair, stop.

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