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The Real Me

Posted Jan 27 2009 7:15pm
After reading La Fille Mariee's post on authenticity in blogging (which I loved) I thought about the tone of what and how I write on here, and which parts of me shine through. There are different personas that all contribute to who I am here and in life: PensiveGillette, BitchGillette, WooWooGillette, WhoreGillette, EcstasyGillette, CrankyGillette, ConfusedGillette, WankGillette, to name a few. (And if I was any kind of a real and polite blogger, I would provide links to the posts that show these parts of me. But instead, now you get to meet LazyGillette).

Upon further pondercation, I realized there is a part of me that has not shown up on here very often. Not by conscious design, although I would imagine that most people would think this a part of me I would want to keep hidden. It's probably even more shameful than being an Old Whore. But, in the spirit of being authentic, I will admit to this part that doesn't even show up very often for some of my best friends. It's the silly-goofy-doofus-dorkGillette part of me. She's the part that my family and Loverman know best because she is actually where I live much of the time when not on here (and not stressed).

My kids are always moaning at my pitiful puns and sick or stupid jokes. They are so pleased (and incredibly relieved, I might add), to have someone to share the burden they have had to bear all these years. I warned Loverman of his job before we started together. He admits he was warned and takes responsibility for moving forward with me, but he also says he had no idea of what he was getting himself into, so feels slightly deceived. No way of possibly conceiving that he would have to be the sorry recipient of the Daily Noogies that I give him, often accompanied by the Daily Boops, depending on mood and whim. Imagine sitting with Hulk Hogan on the couch and reaching over, touching his nose and saying "boop."

Yes, he thinks I am very very weird. You see, it's one thing doing this stuff with one's grandkids; it's another matter entirely when one does it with an ex-Hell's Angel-biker-hulking-dude of his size and temperment.

Truth is, I had no idea the Boops and Noogies would show up, so didn't really deceive. Truth is, I have no idea when or where any of this shit will show up or how my brain comes up with them. But there they are.

And now after months of my driving him insane (sane?), he gets it and his lot in life. Along with the Noogies, the Boops, the Pookies and Snookums that I call him, he also now understands that to be in relationship with me means that there will be times when we hold hands and skip. We will be the first in line to see animated films like Finding Nemo or The Incredibles without bothering with the grandkid "cover." (And..by the way, before I met him, Albert the physicist was the person who agreed to accompany me on these adventures. I think every politician and every CEO of every major corporation should see Finding Nemo just "because.")

So, in keeping with full disclosure, I have decided to share my three favorite jokes (well..they are actually the only official jokes I remember so they are the one you get.)

In order of favoriteness.

1) What did the General do with his armies?

Put them in his sleevies.

2) What is the difference between broccali and boogers?

Kids don't eat broccali

3) This one is for Californians-

There were two CalTrans workers talking at the end of their work day, shooting the shit, having fun.

All of a sudden, in the middle of a sentence, one looks down, sees a snail, screams "Goddammit!" and squashes the thing.

The other one looks at him and goes: "Wow...what was that all about?"

Squasher CalTrans Guy looks at him with disgust and says "Oh, man...I'd finally HAD it....that fucking thing's been following me around all day."
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