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The Masculine Pretense

Posted Aug 08 2010 5:11am
Men’s gut reactions fall into four basic categories, which spring from four psychological needs that all men share.

If not met, each of these needs prompts your man to feel threatened in particular ways. These needs are basic to his sense of masculinity. No matter how old a man is, how experienced, how sophisticated – he will have these needs. Every man does.

All men have:

  1. the need to be special
  2. the need to travel light
  3. the need for loyalty, and
  4. the need to be close emotionally

These needs are easily stated and may sound familiar, but once you understand how the male psyche works, you will see that they are anything but simple. Each need takes very subtle forms and runs deep. In some men, one need is more dominant than others.

But all men have these needs. Your man’s readiness to commit reflect how you as a woman, deal with the four basic needs.

Men don't see themselves as being phobic about commitment. On the contrary, they are deeply disappointed when they lose a possible soul mate, even when they are the ones who end the relationship. Men's egos are fragile

Confidence in a man is an aphrodisiac to a woman and men know this. All men’s egos are very fragile so they all have to fake confidence -- well, it's a lot of pressure for him to keep up this persona.

The failure to realize that even the most seemingly successful men are, deep inside, unsure of themselves has led women with the best intentions into difficulties that they have not understood.

Many of these men feel that a promise of life was broken to them. "What promise?" I ask. Nearly all tell me that Men have dreamed of being with a woman, not just woman attractive to them, but one is loving, loyal, spiritual, truly with them for better or for worse. They find plenty of women, they tell me, and an abundance of available women. But it just never works out. These men usually describe at least one relationship that looked perfect for a time before it collapsed. Usually the man has simply withdrawn. The woman panicked, not knowing why she was losing him. Ironically, the man couldn’t say either. 

The man in your life has all the same emotions that you have, deep down.

The man in your life is acutely reactive, both positive and negative, to small acts of yours. He has much stronger gut reactions to you, both good and bad, than he lets on. If he is like nearly all men, he likes to pretend to himself, and to you, that he is above these gut reactions, but he isn’t.

Women who want a relationship with a man often feel he is holding all the cards. If this is your perception, you are almost surly in for trouble. You may see every day that you’re together and maybe every time he calls you a victory. But your sacrificing too much, struggling too hard for what for yours automatically in a love affair. If you see your man as your last chance, things will work out badly whether you continue together or not. You will be in so much pain, and angry at him for having power over you, that you may actually end up happier if he leaves you

Here’s the irony. He doesn’t hold all the cards. He is just pretending to. If you can realize the truth, that men are the weaker sex, you will have ten times the chance in your relationship. The man in your life isn’t nearly as strong as he looks. He may try to make even his romantic decisions look rational, as if he is dealing from strength. But what you are seeing is only his Masculine Pretence, not his real self.

The Masculine Pretence consists of a set attitudes that your man feels he must show the world in order to be a man. It is the pose that he is strong, independent, free and in control.

This Masculine pretence includes the idea that other people can’t hurt him emotionally, and that people can’t move him deeply. To the extent that your man buys into this pretence, he behaves as if he doesn’t need you or anyone else the way you need him. Of course, the Masculine Pretence is merely that – a pretence. Underneath this pretence, your man is afraid of being alone, is subject to pain and pleasure, and in much in need of love as you are. In his heart, he knows that he isn’t dealing from strength at all.

Because he doesn't allow himself to see the truth, his reponses bespeak confusion rather than clarity,and his relationship with you is more bewildering to him than it is to you. Even if your man loves being with you, he is less clear than you are about what moves him toward you or away from you. He is ruled by his gut reaction, which he himself can't put into words. In this respect, he is probably quite underdeveloped compaired to you and close women friends. He doesn't know exactly why he loves you or why he chose you over anyone else.

And if he gits upset, if something goes off course in the relationship, he won't be clear on what to do about it. He may be quick to give up rather than to try to set things right. Because your man is more ruled by his gut reaction.

By failing to appreciate what men really need, women have elicited bad reactions –sometimes fatal to the relationships –when by doing less, they could have taken better care of themselves and kept the relationship heading in the direction they wanted it to go. Masculine Pretense, he won’t let on how he feels. And not letting on has become a habit for him. He doesn’t let on to himself, as he should. Because of this weakness, he will. Baffled by small set backs in his relationships with you.

 By: George Wienberg "Why Men won't Commit"

Men have dreamed of being with a woman, not just woman attractive to them, but one is loving, loyal, spiritual, truly with them for better or for worse. They find plenty of women, they tell me, and an abundance of available women. But it just never works out. These men usually describe at least one relationship that looked perfect for a time before it collapsed. Usually the man has simply withdrawn. The woman panicked, not knowing why she was losing him. Ironically
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