I've been having people trickle in for Sex and Tantra coaching. It's been fun. The overriding theme? Differences in libidos.
This last Sunday, I was invited to a couple's home to teach them erotic massage. When I went to get copies of acupressure points for their future reference, the sets that kept drawing me and which I ended up copying for them were the points for arousal. Even though they said nothing about libido mismatches when we were planning the session, when I walked in the door, I asked them if they had thought of any questions from the time we set up the session to now. The first thing they brought up was the disparity in their lididos and times of interest and arousal.
He is ready and raring to go in the mornings...she wants to start her day. When she's ready later in the day, he's been working, is physically and emotionally tired and has a harder time maintaining his erection. She's having sex with him in the mornings, but he doesn't like the idea that she's not enjoying it. Even though she's trying, she's distracted. Then, in one of the few times she grabs for him, he's tired and kinda resentful.
Then there's another couple. She's about 15 or so years older than her husband, but he's the one with the low libido. She's tried everything, but he just isn't going for it. She's going nuts, saying she was having way more sex when she was single.
And another fun, amazing couple. They are poly. She has a lover that turns her on, but states that she isn't that attracted to her husband. He seems to not be attracted to her at the times she finally gets it up for him.
Or the couple, now getting a divorce, where the husband finds the wife really sexy and hot...and man, she is- always dressed sexily to the extreme, heels, perfect hair and nails, low cut tops and tight skirts. But she has absolutely no interest in kissing him, sees it as a chore and is kind of revolted by the idea of having sex with him. They are the best of friends, but she wants him on the other side of the bed. The only person she wants to be sexual with is a co-worker she's obsessed with, although they've never done anything except call and text each other.
Man...it's a mess out there.
And here.
I've decided I'm definitely not getting fucked enough. My man is not a rutting stallion when stressed and stress is the name of the game with him. I've said to more than one person that I find it absolutely hilarious that there are tons of men in the world who would die to have a partner who wanted sex as much as I do....that I get
paid to have sex, for christssake...and this man I live with is too stressed out to take time out and have fun.
I'm OK with it for now. I've told him I may start looking for a Lover. I haven't put any time into it just yet as I'm not dying yet. But I have rediscovered how happy I am when I'm well fucked. And I've noticed that the times we do have sex, I get voraciously horny for more. I'm watching all of that.
I really don't understand the universe and coupling. I have a theory that it takes at least three years for a couple to settle into each other and for the sex to start to slow down, and/or the krinks in the relationship start to show. New Relationship Energy can mask lots in the sexual compatibility department. So for any couple in relationship under three years and in sexual synch, I'm happy for them. But I don't think it will tell the story for the rest of their sex lives together.
I'm beginning to think it a major cosmic joke that couples oftena have differing libidos that didn't show up that first few years. Why is it that the hornier men don't hook up with the hornier women and the less libido types hook up?
There are many on the planet who think that there is a plan for everything. Well...if that's true, then I want to know who sick fuck is that figured this whole thing out. I mean...isn't this just a little bit cruel? And then to throw monogamy on top of it all? Way, poor planning.
This last Sunday, I was invited to a couple's home to teach them erotic massage. When I went to get copies of acupressure points for their future reference, the sets that kept drawing me and which I ended up copying for them were the points for arousal. Even though they said nothing about libido mismatches when we were planning the session, when I walked in the door, I asked them if they had thought of any questions from the time we set up the session to now. The first thing they brought up was the disparity in their lididos and times of interest and arousal.
He is ready and raring to go in the mornings...she wants to start her day. When she's ready later in the day, he's been working, is physically and emotionally tired and has a harder time maintaining his erection. She's having sex with him in the mornings, but he doesn't like the idea that she's not enjoying it. Even though she's trying, she's distracted. Then, in one of the few times she grabs for him, he's tired and kinda resentful.
Then there's another couple. She's about 15 or so years older than her husband, but he's the one with the low libido. She's tried everything, but he just isn't going for it. She's going nuts, saying she was having way more sex when she was single.
And another fun, amazing couple. They are poly. She has a lover that turns her on, but states that she isn't that attracted to her husband. He seems to not be attracted to her at the times she finally gets it up for him.
Or the couple, now getting a divorce, where the husband finds the wife really sexy and hot...and man, she is- always dressed sexily to the extreme, heels, perfect hair and nails, low cut tops and tight skirts. But she has absolutely no interest in kissing him, sees it as a chore and is kind of revolted by the idea of having sex with him. They are the best of friends, but she wants him on the other side of the bed. The only person she wants to be sexual with is a co-worker she's obsessed with, although they've never done anything except call and text each other.
Man...it's a mess out there.
And here.
I've decided I'm definitely not getting fucked enough. My man is not a rutting stallion when stressed and stress is the name of the game with him. I've said to more than one person that I find it absolutely hilarious that there are tons of men in the world who would die to have a partner who wanted sex as much as I do....that I get paid to have sex, for christssake...and this man I live with is too stressed out to take time out and have fun.
I'm OK with it for now. I've told him I may start looking for a Lover. I haven't put any time into it just yet as I'm not dying yet. But I have rediscovered how happy I am when I'm well fucked. And I've noticed that the times we do have sex, I get voraciously horny for more. I'm watching all of that.
I really don't understand the universe and coupling. I have a theory that it takes at least three years for a couple to settle into each other and for the sex to start to slow down, and/or the krinks in the relationship start to show. New Relationship Energy can mask lots in the sexual compatibility department. So for any couple in relationship under three years and in sexual synch, I'm happy for them. But I don't think it will tell the story for the rest of their sex lives together.
I'm beginning to think it a major cosmic joke that couples oftena have differing libidos that didn't show up that first few years. Why is it that the hornier men don't hook up with the hornier women and the less libido types hook up?
There are many on the planet who think that there is a plan for everything. Well...if that's true, then I want to know who sick fuck is that figured this whole thing out. I mean...isn't this just a little bit cruel? And then to throw monogamy on top of it all? Way, poor planning.