Juliette is a new blogger, chronicling her journey of study while deciding whether she wants to pursue becoming a Companion. I suggest a visit. In the
post below on being proud of my whoredom, she had a comment which brought up memories of Tantra Workshops for me.
I always laugh when people would talk to me about workshops. They usually get all googly-eyed fantasizing about the orgies and Kama Sutra-ing going on there. Not the case. Oh My, Oh Lordy, not the case!!!
At workshops and events, hearts are open. People connect in really profound ways, creating a type of intimacy that can be quite seductive and wonderful. If you are in need of healing (and
hello, this is one of the reasons we go to workshops) the areas of unbalance are heightened. You, being a really smart person, spend thousands of dollars to put yourself in the middle of some amazing activities designed to leave you a total mess. In the process, you pull down walls that we all erect, hopefully decimating the ego. Imagine a space where you are engaged in full-on cycles of relationships condensed down to a week's timespan. With multiple partners. It's a trip.
In the case of a residential Tantra workshop, you are fully immersed in this work. With my primary Teacher, Margo, we had to be at morning meditation at 7am. This was no sweet silent, sitting, gentle om-ing. This was punching pillows, screaming, crying, catharting, cathecting, shaking, drooling all over the place. For an hour or more. We took short breaks for meals, but were smack dab in the middle of intense process work until midnight most every night....sometimes later...then there was private afterwork. Each exercise, whether physical or just talking, was designed to push just about every button imaginable. Every vestige of emotional safety, physical privacy, clinging to what was known was broken down piece by piece until we (hopefully) got to Essential Love.
Or that was the intent, anyway. There were flashes, I'm sure, for everyone. But the road to Enlightenment and Bliss isn't always straight, smiles. In the meantime, as the Ego wants to survive, we fought like five year olds. Ah...the power of learning through resistence to Love.
I'm remembering this one woman, who decided to do some process work at 3am at the pool. That is a very polite, condensed way of saying that she went through some core emotional something wherein she decided she needed to scream nonstop for about a half hour (sure seemed like more) and "share" her pain. The next day, I told her I honored her process and wanted her to heal in any way she needed, but if she felt the urge to do that again at that time of the night, would she please find a pillow or two to scream into so those of us camping could sleep? She wasn't too receptive to my sweet request (really...I was really sweet).
I remember another woman I had partnered with during cycle two of my yearlong training. She was the only woman I've ever had what my friends and I call "glommer" energy from. We shared some pretty wonderful, intimate space during a process, then she wanted to hang on me for the rest of the weekend. When I sweetly (really I was sweet) told her that wasn't my plan, I got it full on. Shaiza...she was Fury Incarnate. That anger lasted for the rest of the year's training. She even colluded with another person who decided I pushed his buttons (amazing what being one's sweet self will do for people's personal growth trajectory) just because I told him I didn't feel him being present. They formed a "we hate Gillette club," and, of course, because there were two of them who agreed I was horrid, it was Truth.
Or the time the Very Important Big Shot Radio Sex Therapist Celebrity comes in and starts talking (loudly) about herself and her needs in the middle of a very quiet, intense process that required lots of tenderness and built trust. And, guess who was the only one who had the presence of mind to see the participants freaking out and ask her to please respect the space? And guess how well Ms. VIP Big Shot took to the lowly pleb suggesting Workshop Etiquette 101 to her? (really... I was really polite and sweet)
Then with another Teacher, a Teacher of teachers, just about every woman participant (barring a few of us) was up in arms about the Teacher being, basically a letch because...get this...he used a petite woman to demo the massage. WTF?
Ha...then there was the time we were in the tropics. My good friend (who gives permission to share her story) had this really odd relationship with bugs. It was beyond weird and she kept saying that she was happy we witnessed it because her kids would never believe her. I had to vouch for her when we got home.
Lovelove
love that woman...mostly because she's high strung and a hoot to begin with. She went to the workshop enraged over her ex. The workshop leader reminded her of her ex, so we had that as the basis or her workshop energetics.
The second night there, she found a huge scary spider (and I mean Scary Movie Spider-like) on our porch. She freaked and tweaked. Then two nights later she found this 1 1/2" poisonous ant in her bed. She wasn't happy when she found out that the ant was more dangerous than the spider.
Now she's not only freaked and tweaked but it's amplified because she won't sleep for fear of another killer ant in her bed. Plus it's amplified even more because NO ONE else at the workshop is having Scary Gunga-Bug issues. The rest of us were only running into pretty blue butterflies.
So now on top of freaking and tweaking and not sleeping, she gets to deal not only with the actual bug issues, but also feeling like a Victim or a Nutcase for attracting all that fun.
But, ooh-la-la, there's more.
Maybe it was the last day, maybe the day before that, we get our butts outa bed to do the pre-morning meditation yoga.
There are about five others there when we walk in a few minutes late.
We tiptoe in, grabbing pads, getting ourselves situated, trying to be good little quiet Tantrikas, honoring meditative space. Ommmmmmmm.....
All of a sudden, she's doing this nonstop death-scream at the top of her lungs, her body flopping from side to side, her head jerking. I thought she was having a convulsion.
Turns out she feels something on her head. She reaches up and feels this thing which she thinks is her barrette. But it isn't. It's a scorpion.
I kid you not, True Story. Fell outa nowhere right on her head. She was an utter basket case. For hours.
But she got really soft. Had no rage left inside her. All the woowoo-portent watchers were mightily impressed. Gillette thinks to herself: "aaahh, yes....the universe is a
very interesting place."
I know I've talked about this
here and
here before, but Tantra workshops really aren't about sex. Well they are about sex and have nothing to do with sex. Just like Tantra outside of workshops, they are more about us coming up against our stuff in relation to ourselves, others and the world.
Although I have my theories, I'm not quite sure how the universe does what it does so perfectly to totally obliterate our Egos. I do know that if we ask for it,* the universe provides us with all sorts of opportunities to let go of our masks, our protections, our walls if only for a short while. And while many of the fullest, most juicy parts of my life were experienced during my tenure of intense Tantric work,
it ain't easy. I'm amazed at how we (and I definitely include myself here) hold onto our pain with the tenacity of a death grip. Why do we cling so tightly when peace/pleasure is constantly right there at our fingertips, only requiring that we shift our perspectives an oontz to see it?
__________________________________
*and don'tcha just love it when the asking is unconscious so we get to be surprised?
I always laugh when people would talk to me about workshops. They usually get all googly-eyed fantasizing about the orgies and Kama Sutra-ing going on there. Not the case. Oh My, Oh Lordy, not the case!!!
At workshops and events, hearts are open. People connect in really profound ways, creating a type of intimacy that can be quite seductive and wonderful. If you are in need of healing (and hello, this is one of the reasons we go to workshops) the areas of unbalance are heightened. You, being a really smart person, spend thousands of dollars to put yourself in the middle of some amazing activities designed to leave you a total mess. In the process, you pull down walls that we all erect, hopefully decimating the ego. Imagine a space where you are engaged in full-on cycles of relationships condensed down to a week's timespan. With multiple partners. It's a trip.
In the case of a residential Tantra workshop, you are fully immersed in this work. With my primary Teacher, Margo, we had to be at morning meditation at 7am. This was no sweet silent, sitting, gentle om-ing. This was punching pillows, screaming, crying, catharting, cathecting, shaking, drooling all over the place. For an hour or more. We took short breaks for meals, but were smack dab in the middle of intense process work until midnight most every night....sometimes later...then there was private afterwork. Each exercise, whether physical or just talking, was designed to push just about every button imaginable. Every vestige of emotional safety, physical privacy, clinging to what was known was broken down piece by piece until we (hopefully) got to Essential Love.
Or that was the intent, anyway. There were flashes, I'm sure, for everyone. But the road to Enlightenment and Bliss isn't always straight, smiles. In the meantime, as the Ego wants to survive, we fought like five year olds. Ah...the power of learning through resistence to Love.
I'm remembering this one woman, who decided to do some process work at 3am at the pool. That is a very polite, condensed way of saying that she went through some core emotional something wherein she decided she needed to scream nonstop for about a half hour (sure seemed like more) and "share" her pain. The next day, I told her I honored her process and wanted her to heal in any way she needed, but if she felt the urge to do that again at that time of the night, would she please find a pillow or two to scream into so those of us camping could sleep? She wasn't too receptive to my sweet request (really...I was really sweet).
I remember another woman I had partnered with during cycle two of my yearlong training. She was the only woman I've ever had what my friends and I call "glommer" energy from. We shared some pretty wonderful, intimate space during a process, then she wanted to hang on me for the rest of the weekend. When I sweetly (really I was sweet) told her that wasn't my plan, I got it full on. Shaiza...she was Fury Incarnate. That anger lasted for the rest of the year's training. She even colluded with another person who decided I pushed his buttons (amazing what being one's sweet self will do for people's personal growth trajectory) just because I told him I didn't feel him being present. They formed a "we hate Gillette club," and, of course, because there were two of them who agreed I was horrid, it was Truth.
Or the time the Very Important Big Shot Radio Sex Therapist Celebrity comes in and starts talking (loudly) about herself and her needs in the middle of a very quiet, intense process that required lots of tenderness and built trust. And, guess who was the only one who had the presence of mind to see the participants freaking out and ask her to please respect the space? And guess how well Ms. VIP Big Shot took to the lowly pleb suggesting Workshop Etiquette 101 to her? (really... I was really polite and sweet)
Then with another Teacher, a Teacher of teachers, just about every woman participant (barring a few of us) was up in arms about the Teacher being, basically a letch because...get this...he used a petite woman to demo the massage. WTF?
Ha...then there was the time we were in the tropics. My good friend (who gives permission to share her story) had this really odd relationship with bugs. It was beyond weird and she kept saying that she was happy we witnessed it because her kids would never believe her. I had to vouch for her when we got home.
Lovelove love that woman...mostly because she's high strung and a hoot to begin with. She went to the workshop enraged over her ex. The workshop leader reminded her of her ex, so we had that as the basis or her workshop energetics.
The second night there, she found a huge scary spider (and I mean Scary Movie Spider-like) on our porch. She freaked and tweaked. Then two nights later she found this 1 1/2" poisonous ant in her bed. She wasn't happy when she found out that the ant was more dangerous than the spider.
Now she's not only freaked and tweaked but it's amplified because she won't sleep for fear of another killer ant in her bed. Plus it's amplified even more because NO ONE else at the workshop is having Scary Gunga-Bug issues. The rest of us were only running into pretty blue butterflies.
So now on top of freaking and tweaking and not sleeping, she gets to deal not only with the actual bug issues, but also feeling like a Victim or a Nutcase for attracting all that fun.
But, ooh-la-la, there's more.
Maybe it was the last day, maybe the day before that, we get our butts outa bed to do the pre-morning meditation yoga.
There are about five others there when we walk in a few minutes late.
We tiptoe in, grabbing pads, getting ourselves situated, trying to be good little quiet Tantrikas, honoring meditative space. Ommmmmmmm.....
All of a sudden, she's doing this nonstop death-scream at the top of her lungs, her body flopping from side to side, her head jerking. I thought she was having a convulsion.
Turns out she feels something on her head. She reaches up and feels this thing which she thinks is her barrette. But it isn't. It's a scorpion.
I kid you not, True Story. Fell outa nowhere right on her head. She was an utter basket case. For hours.
But she got really soft. Had no rage left inside her. All the woowoo-portent watchers were mightily impressed. Gillette thinks to herself: "aaahh, yes....the universe is a very interesting place."
I know I've talked about this here and here before, but Tantra workshops really aren't about sex. Well they are about sex and have nothing to do with sex. Just like Tantra outside of workshops, they are more about us coming up against our stuff in relation to ourselves, others and the world.
Although I have my theories, I'm not quite sure how the universe does what it does so perfectly to totally obliterate our Egos. I do know that if we ask for it,* the universe provides us with all sorts of opportunities to let go of our masks, our protections, our walls if only for a short while. And while many of the fullest, most juicy parts of my life were experienced during my tenure of intense Tantric work, it ain't easy. I'm amazed at how we (and I definitely include myself here) hold onto our pain with the tenacity of a death grip. Why do we cling so tightly when peace/pleasure is constantly right there at our fingertips, only requiring that we shift our perspectives an oontz to see it?
__________________________________
*and don'tcha just love it when the asking is unconscious so we get to be surprised?