Swallowing with a smile, when doves cry, and ruby in the sky with diamonds...
Posted Sep 22 2008 10:15am
A couple of my friends wanted me to meet them out last night- I had a long day but I am always willing to go out and end a long day with a nice glass of wine and some good music.
So I threw on a pair of jeans and a white shirt that I didn’t like- but it was the first thing I saw in my closet- I bought it over a year ago in LA and I have never worn it. That should have been my first clue- but last night I gave it its first appearance.
I think it will retire as a one timer…
When I got to the restaurant I had a more difficult time than I expected. For reasons I won’t go into. But I had to swallow and swallow hard- for lack of better words.
I have never really been in a situation where things can’t be discussed- where misunderstandings have to be ignored and just accepted- not resolved. Where I can’t speak my heart and what has bothered me or where I was coming from- where a judgment can't be cleared up.
But that is the way it is and so I swallow.
As we sat having wine and listening to the music – the songs played were all songs that I have in my iTunes.
Some of them from one of my favorite sound tracks- Cruel Intentions.
And “When doves cry” started playing I got in a better mood- in my iTunes as well…
Something about that song turns me on… might be the “animals watching -sweat of your body- heat between me and you” thing…
We went out to the patio and that is when a guy started in on asking us our names. I told him my name was Ruby- my friends said Nadia and Valerie. None of those being our names…
That made me laugh- and of course the guy thought I was laughing at him, which I wasn’t. I was laughing at our off the cuff name choices.
One guy after the other coming up asking where they should go next- I felt like a Zagat guide as the minutes passed. Then of course it came to light that they weren’t really asking where to go next as they were asking where we were going next.
So when one of them asked me where I go for fun after a night like last night- I said “home”.
Not the reply he was looking for.
See- guys need to switch up their approach a little bit- and I told him so-
After he instantly got on the why are you out if you don’t want guys talking to you?
Which I personally think is asinine.
I looked at him straight in the eye and said, “That is where you guys make the biggest mistake in presumption. You think women go out to get laid. I go out to see my friends. To laugh. To listen to music. To have a nice drink; not find a one night stand or a future husband.”
I am a woman. I could get laid walking into 7-11-
It is the truth.
Women have it so easy in that department. So when we are out- most of us- we are not in the desperation mode- need to make a connection before last call mode- Maybe this one is drunk enough to go home with me mode.
If men would just approach it with a little less desperation and a little more confidence then it would probably open doors if not legs easier!
Just my opinion.
With me it might be a little different- I am like a social scientist- as someone once put it to me.
Maybe a mad scientist:)
Either way, when I go out- it is like a Petri dish of observations to me. This is where I get my inspiration- my lessons. I sit, watch and observe human behavior.
Attractions, repulsions and everything in between.
As a friend said about me- I sit and watch when vibes collide and then dissect what I can out of my observation.
Then I write about it.
The guy I was talking to actually took what I had to say without offense and said he learned a little something.
Sometimes it is a good thing to ask women how they are taking your mojo. You may not feel you are obvious, but a lot of women have laser vision.
Bottom line is the assumption should not be made that a woman is dressed sexy at a bar because she wants action.
I hate to break it to the men out there- but we women are rather selfish.
We dress sexy because we want to feel sexy. Not for you…
And sometime women dress for other women, to keep up or be the most sexy or fashionable in the room...
Harsh, but true.
It is a tight rope to walk- yes…
Not knowing if a woman is wanting sex or conversation or to be left alone.
I guess all I am saying is if men will just approach it from a blank space without an ounce of desperation- then it will become clear fairly quickly where it is going.
And if approached from that stance- most men will take the woman off her automatic creep defenses and might be able to sneak in through the back door. No pun intended…
It is a tight rope for women too.
I can buy my own drinks- so it floors me when a man would prefer me to let him spend his money when there is not one chance in the seventh realm of hell that I am going to give him my number or hook up with him- rather than just telling him the truth and letting him go on to someone who might be interested in him.
Seems to me that would be an act of mutual respect and kindness- but depending on the size and fragility of the ego it is not necessarily taken that way.