I almost became a human version of one these the last couple of weeks.
There is a story of the spider monkey and it goes something like this-
Spider monkeys are not trapped through conventional ways-
No… the hunters have learned a technique that guarantees capture.
They place a nut in the hole of a tree- one that is just small enough for the monkey to get its hand into-
The monkey clinches its fist around the nut and when it goes to pull its hand out finds that the hole is not big enough to get the clinched fist through.
Instead of the monkey unclenching its fist and just letting the nut go- it refuses to budge.
Even as it hears the footsteps of the hunter coming close-
Even when it hears the click of the rifle seconds before the shot rings out.
No, the monkey holds onto the nut even to its own demise.
In a lot of cases- women can mimic the spider monkey to perfection.
So I have this guy…
Who I meet maybe two months ago?
We just hit it off easily- no force in conversation or discomfort- playfulness and flirtatiousness.
We exchange cards or information after talking awhile.
He reminded me a lot of my personality- which I guess is why we hit it off well.
That and I connect easily with people- find a common denominator instinctively-
I found him to be the same.
So I left that night and that was that.
Eventually I get an email from him… then he pops up on my chat… then text message.
We start bantering back and forth and like a snow ball accumulating- it becomes more frequent.
I noticed almost immediately how he would reach out to me- and if I gave even an inch into him- he would back off.
So I made a mental note to self- slight game playing from the get go…
That was cool though because I am the same way- if I am given the whole she-bang from the start I will lose interest. I have a lot of hunter in me too…
So we talk and talk…
And sometimes hours pass like minutes-
And I can feel that this isn’t going to be as easy to contain as it first initially seemed to be-
One of my guy friends in particular did not like the situation-
And he told me so one night-
Over beers outside watching the sun go down-
He asked permission to speak freely-
“Of course… you know I would have it no other way.”- I replied back to him.
“Amy, you are one of the most amazing women I know… and I have to say- from the outside… it seems this guy is taking in every inch of your essence- your wisdom, your time, your mind, your beauty, your humor… all of it. I am a guy- and I am telling you- as soon as he gets his fill he will drop you. The talking will stop- the coming after and for you will stop.”- He said to me.
I listened to what he said with an open mind-
Nothing I hadn’t already felt myself…
I replied back to him, “I get what you are saying… at the same time you have not been in our conversations- you have never met him to feel his goodness- you don’t know our dynamic. So although what you are saying I can resonate with because it has crossed my mind, I still think it is a little hasty to make such an assumption. Besides, we have been completely upfront with each other about not wanting anything more than a friendship. He and I both have been honest from the start.”
This is where I started channeling my inner SPIDER MONKEY!
Making excuses for something I was already aware of…
“Do me a favor?”- My friend asked.
“Call him on it. Get serious. Say look man- we are talking and you are pursuing as if you want something more… I guarantee you will see him change on a dime. Because Amy- if someone as smart as you thinks he is ONLY talking to you- then you have lost reality. Guys don’t talk that much and that often to girls they are not attracted to. ”- He says.
“I will do that when the time comes to do it- but do me a favor in return? Wait until you lay eyes on him to judge him? It isn’t fair to him and it really isn’t fair to me either.”- I replied.
So a few days pass and my friend gets the opportunity to meet him.
He pulls me aside and says, “OK smarty pants. Yeah- he is a nice guy- Very likeable. But my stance still stands- he is using you for all your amyliciousness J ”
I sat confused… at least I wasn’t quite like the spider monkey yet- at least I was considering dropping the “nut” to save myself any repercussions of a less than favorable outcome.
After another night of talking, talking, talking and talking… I decide to do just as my friend suggested.
And just as my friend predicted? Things began to change-
Communication began to drop off –
Words became short and contrived- less playful and flowing.
No more good night texts- the first night that happened I lay in bed realizing how close I had come to the fate of the Spider Monkey…
I could hear the footsteps coming-
The leaves crunching beneath the boots that chubby little cupid was wearing on his way to shoot me-
We still talk- just not as it was before…we are still friends- and I have nothing negative to say of him-I still feel the same of him as I did from the first time we met-
But I unclenched my fist…
And in doing so saved my heart and gave him the space he needed for a respectful shift in where we started to where we have ended up these last few days.
Ahhhhh… the dance of the male and female.
Even in all of its complex twists and turns?
It is still a beautiful thing.
Spider Monkeys…I have to say thank you for the lesson J