Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means. - Albert Einstein
When I first started to put my life back together I was told to be TEACHABLE - that if I was green I was still growing, but if I was ripe then I would start to rot.
After I became teachable, realizing I didn’t know everything and becoming willing to face my denial and my intellectual blocks, I didn’t know who to learn from.
I had some very good teachers who did tell me what to do and whenever I listened to their advice (often only after beating my head against the wall) things worked out well, but in the every day world I was afraid of listening to the wrong person.
There are many GURUS and people who preach from the mount but I wanted to learn from someone who had been where I had been and who overcame what I needed to overcome. Some people said they had but I wasn’t sure.
A very very wise person told me to follow only those who had their own house in order. Who had relationships that were healthy and thriving, children who loved them, people who were successful emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. Who had what I wanted and who had it after being where I’d been….at the end of a long dark road.
I did find those people…they were few and in-between but I did find them.
Today I tell people the exact same thing…the self-help field, the pop psychology field is full of people who will tell you “stuff” and most of it isn’t new and a lot of it is a repeat of things that have been said a million times. But listen to the people who have what you want…who might have been where you’ve been and gotten beyond it….when you stumble and fall, people who understand how hard it is.
The best teachers are those who lead by example, who say this is how I did it, and who encourage you that you can do it to.
It’s confusing and easy to be dismayed, but keep at it….the teachers are out there. Follow the ones who teach what they have learned.