Q&A: What You Should Know Before Getting Married (Video)
Posted Feb 05 2010 1:00pm
Getting married is a big step. Even starting a new relationship with someone is kind of like jumping into the pool feet first. Is there anything you can do to keep a relationship or marriage from ending badly? Is there anything you should know before getting married or starting a new relationshipso you can have the best chance at success?
Question: People should START by being more responsible when they start relationships. Maybe you guys should stop giving advice on ending relationships and start giving advice on how people can be more responsible when starting a relationship. That why you can keep more marriages together and save their children from emotional and psychological distress.
The most important thing you need to do before embarking on a long term relationship or marriage is learning to love yourself firstflaws included. Many of us look for acceptance from otherswhen we haven’t accepted ourselves yet. Unfortunatelywe won’t ever get the kind of acceptance we crave as human beings from another person unless we’ve done it ourselves first. Accept who you arelove yourself for who you are and other people will begin to do the same. Seeking outside approval is going to get you nowhere.
The biggest problem in relationships and marriages is that a person doesn’t fall in love with someone for who they are right nowthey fall in love with who they think this person will be after they are “fixed.” Many women try to change their boyfriendspartners and husbands after they’ve already gotten knee deep in the relationship. Men do it toobut it usually only ends in frustration and the dissolution of the relationship. Don’t think of how you can fix or change your partneror that you’d love them if they just didn’t do this one little thing…learn to love your partner for who they are right nownot who you think they will be. Long term relationships are difficultbut they always help us grow. Allow your partner to help you grow and vice versabut recognize the difficulty involved before you jump in. A goodlovingsatisfying relationship or marriage is never going to be easy. But nothing that is easy is worth having. Try going to couples counseling before making a huge committment. Just because you’re in counseling doesn’t mean anything is wrong in the relationship – it’s also a great way to learn about your partner as well as learn about yourselfand learn about healthy ways to handle problems and disagreements that will inevitably come up in the future.
If you’re in a bad relationship or marriagedon’t stay in it “for the kids” or because you believe in sticking it out. Even if there are children involvedchances arethey’re just as unhappy as you are in the relationship from having to hear all the fighting and bickering. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on from an unhealthy relationshipbecause oftenthat is the path that is better for everyone involved and franklymoving on from an unhealthy or even abusive relationship is the grown up thing to do.