Living in an abusive relationship is living in constant judgment, criticism, rejection, and fear. It also has some nasty side-effects. In addition to hearing or repeating the abuser’s words in our head, we develop quite a few judgments of our own.
The first criticism is usually, “How could I be so stupid?!” We can be really harsh about the mistakes we made, starting with choosing that person in the first place. Then we get angry at ourselves for not seeing the early warning signs, for staying with the abuser, for forgiving them and giving them another chance.
Well, it’s time to put down the baseball bat! Stop beating yourself up. You’ve gotten enough of that already. The last thing you need right now is to become your own worst enemy. To the contrary, it’s time to be your own best friend.
Start with accepting the truth that you did the best you could with what you knew and where you were in consciousness in EVERY moment of your life. You really did, so give yourself a break. Now you’re here and it’s time to heal. That begins the moment you decide that you don’t deserve to be mistreated.
The next step is to become aware of the chatter in your mind. When judgmental thoughts pop up, tell yourself “that’s not the truth.” Catch your judgments of others too, because those are often reflections of something you judge within yourself. The less you judge, the more you will heal, and fall in love with you.