...is the deeper reason why I became and stayed a Courtesan for so long.
It was/is all about sex…and it has absolutely nothing to do with sex.
I started asking: Where do men go to be pampered? Where can they go where they feel cared for and tended to in the ways that THEY want both in and outside the bedroom? What would it do for a man to be with a woman who genuinely cared for him, wanted all the best in life for him and not be a threat to the life he had so carefully created? How would it impact him to receive? How would what we did seep into and positively affect the whole of his life?
I decided from the start that if someone just wanted a straight fuck for money relationship, that there were tons of women out there that could fill that niche better than I. I hooked up with a man because he was at a point in his life where he wanted and needed "more." If I could not figure out his "more" then I would pass.
For many with a different vision of the world, this statement will make no sense and I will not even try to explain it- you either get it or you don't: My prime directive was to ty and do everything I could so that they and their families would benefit from our time together.
It was the little things that I watched and listened for and learned about each man then acted on. I listened with all of me and learned their desires in indirect ways. With one it was that I just naturally accepted all his kinks and encouraged them. With another it was baking for him and learning to suck his cock in ways that drove him wild for hours. For another, it was washing my own windshields when we got gas on a trip. Or that I was happily and eagerly willing to do whatever he wanted….men often have to negotiate or follow the lead of their wives through habit or whatever dynamic (no blame here...just is what it is). It often gets to the point where their whole lives during work hours are scheduled by the demands of the job, then their off hours are scheduled by their wives.
I got them each their own basket of toiletries, asking them what kind of soap they used at home so that they would not smell differently. I bought them a robe after they had been with me three months. I had their favorite drinks and food, their favorite music, wore their favorite outfits or was just nude if that is what they wanted. I created a space in an apartment that was separate from the world. They loved it as it was familiar, a “home” and they did not have to have the sterility of a hotel.
They had never experienced this before. I watched them shift and change, becoming lighter and more youthful over time. Pleasure has a way of slowly changing people in non-linear but profound ways. It's not 'therapy,' but a year of a pleasure based relationship can bring more therapeutic effects and deep shifts than a year of talk therapy. Like taking herbs, the healing comes with time and in subtle ways. Inner shifts happen of their own accord, often going unnoticed until the person wakes up one day and says...wow...I feel different and my life is different.
I didn’t know the particulars of how our relationship would play itself out individually as I could not predict how the healing would work its way through each man's psyche. I could not predict their magic. All I did was to provide a potentiality, a place of respite and pleasure for them if they chose to go there. It was a time and space out of the rhythm of their regular lives. I knew with all of my being that if I had the intention of making a difference in their lives it would naturally evolve for them as we let the Dance unfold. This was/is Spirit Path for me.