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Overestimating Yourself:The Consequence of Change vs Inertia in Dating and Relationships

Posted Jul 26 2008 10:19am

change machineI've just been over visiting some of my favourite peeps HoneyandLance and Honey has written a brilliant post calledPeople are Inherently Lazy: Or, Why We Over-Rank Ourselves, which was actually in response to a post by dating expert Evan Marc Katz calledDo You Overestimate Yourself?Both of their posts were in response to a recent post on theFreakonomics Bulletin(Freakonomics is one of my favourite books) about people's tendencies to seriously overestimate themselves.

Which got me thinking of course about Baggage Reclaim readers and the various problems that you come up against, particularly Mr Unavailable's. In my new ebookMr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, I repeatedly talk about value and the correlation between that, your self-esteem, and why you will find yourself knock, knock, knocking at assclown door...again and again.

There was a standout line in this standout post:

"So we’re willing to put what might seem to be a disproportionate amount of effort into convincing ourselves and the world that we’re great, because we’d have to put far more work intoactually becoming great."

This is the whole Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl problem. Change seems far more scary than sticking in a bad situation so Fallback Girl's put a disproportionate amount of effort into their relationships so that they can convince these men of their greatness.

I think on the whole, whilst it is good to be aware of your fabulousness and place a good value on yourself, we, as women need to be aware that we often place too much value in the wrong things, and not enough in the right things.

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