Monday May 25, 2009 marked one year free from the grips of my eating disorder. I have lived with anorexia for 13 years. My eating disorder has been the one problem I couldn't fix. I continued to periodically torment myself with food. I starved myself or through up the food I ate. It became another form of self-mutilation. When things in my life were going wrong, I turned to food as a way to hurt myself.
One year ago I through up so hard I broke blood vessels in my face. My head began to pound and I had stop myself. Hours later, the headache continued. The next morning it was still there despite doses or Motrin and Valium. Driving to work that morning, every time I hit a bump in the road, I would get shots of pain in my head. It was excruciating and more so, it was scary.
Another day passed and the pain was no better. Every bump, every pothole, every speed bump sent jolts of pain into my head. I started to worry that I had broken or damaged a blood vessel in my brain. I was afraid I was going to have an aneurysm. I called my neurologist and scheduled a battery of tests. I had an MRI, an MRA and an MRV.
Thankfully, I was fine. After 10 days, the pain subsided, but I vowed that that was the last time. I couldn't do that to myself any more and I couldn't do that to my loved ones. I wasn't going to let anorexia kill me.
It has been a long year. There have been times when I've been tempted to self-destruct, but I haven't. I'm healthier than I've ever been. I eat well and I work out twice a week. Every day is a battle, but now I'm strong enough to fight.