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On Elizabeth Edwards’ Book: Infidelity Expert Comments on Resilience

Posted May 05 2009 4:36pm
In my interview with Cindy Hsu of WCBS – TV last week, I mentioned that I was pleased to learn about the imminent release of Elizabeth Edward’s book, Resilience because it will provide a seldom seem glimpse of the hurt, heartbreak, the humiliation a woman experiences in in learning about and trying to come to terms with her husband’s extramarital affair.

An Intimate Look at the Betrayed Wife Has to Say

All too often when we hear or read about cases of high profile infidelity, it’s all about the cheater -- who he is, why he did it, how he got caught, what it will mean to his career. The betrayed wife usually suffers in silence, rarely do we get to hear her story. Hopefully, Elizabeth Edwards’ memoir will change all that.

The book was to have been embargoed until its publication date, but the New York Daily News jumped the gun. Below are my comments on three controversial excerpts from Resilience that have been leaked to the public thus far.

Elizabeth Edwards Vomited When Her Husband Confessed His Affair

In recounting her reaction when John Edwards confessed his affair to her, Elizabeth said, "I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up." Though it’s not often written or spoken about, it’s well-documented that infidelity victims experience physical reactions such as nausea, diarrhea, gastro-intestinal disturbances, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, headaches, loss of appetite, insomnia – just to name a few.

As a result of the trauma of infidelity, many betrayed spouses also experience PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms such as depression, anxiety, raging anger, intense shame, guilt, hyper-vigilance, flashbacks, nightmares, and more. Many marriage and family counselors are now using trauma-based therapies in treating victims of infidelity.

Elizabeth Edwards Does Not Mention Her Husband’s Mistress by Name

It has been widely reported that although Elizabeth Edwards talks about her husband’s mistress in the book, she does not actually mention his mistress by name. I’ve been researching infidelity for the past 15 years, and I can tell you that there’s nothing unusual about this. In fact, I applaud Elizabeth Edwards’ refusal to refer to her husband’s mistress by name.

Refusing to acknowledge the Other Woman by name is the recommended course of action for any woman who is trying to reconcile with her cheating mate. Once the affair has been brought out into the open and thoroughly discussed between the two parties involved, there is nothing to be gained by focusing on the Other Woman. To refer to her by name or bring her up name up in every conversation is to make her a part of their life and give her more importance than she deserves. The best approach in trying to repair a marriage, is to ignore the mistress, and carry on as if she doesn’t exist.

John Edwards Did Not Tell Elizabeth the Whole Truth About His Affair

Even when Edwards confessed to his wife, he lied about the affair, claiming it had only happened one time. . In his original version of what happened, he left out most of the truth. Elizabeth Edwards writes, “It turned out that a single time was not all it was.” If and when a cheating husband finally confesses to his wife, he’s likely to conceal many of the facts surrounding the affair. It’s not uncommon for a cheating spouse to continue to lie about the affair until presented with irrefutable proof.

Why do lie? Some cheaters lie in a misguided attempt to spare the betrayed spouse’s feelings. Others lie because they feel their spouses are too trusting or too naïve to ever find out the truth. Still other cheaters lie because they feel they are clever enough to continue the affair behind the betrayed spouses back. It does not bode well if the cheater continues to lie about certain aspects of the affair. A betrayed wife should have some method of confirming whether or nor what she has been told is really true. A reverse phone number search or reverse e-mail search , or a background check on the mistress can prove valuable in uncovering the real truth.

NOTE: For resources to help you uncover the truth, or expose a cheating mate, click here or visit

The Biggest Obstacle to Taking a Cheater Back

The biggest obstacle to taking a cheating husband back is the fear that the he will cheat on you again. It’s a valid fear and the only way to overcome it is to become thoroughly familiar with both the obvious and not-so-obvious signs of infidelity. This way, you’ll know right away if the cheating is still going on, or if the cheater is on the verge of cheating again.

For a free special report with detailed descriptions of each of the 21 major categories of infidelity signs, and tips on what kind of signs to look for under each category, e-mail with 21 Categories Report - be in the subject line.

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