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OK, maybe it doesn’t actually st...

Posted Sep 12 2008 3:06am

OK, maybe it doesn’t actually stink, but I don’t like it.

I had a boyfriend once who wore holey underwear. I used to come over to his place with new pairs and sneak them into his drawer. The first time he noticed right away saying: “I prefer Calvin Klein, not Hanes.”

“I don’t care what you like; just wear some without so many holes,” I said.

He didn’t. I came over a few days later to find him in front of the TV in his underwear with holes.

I decided to try again. I bought a three pack of Calvins and snuck those in his drawer too. Again he noticed pretty quick and said, “I only like gray, I’ll never wear white.”

“I don’t care what you like; just wear some without so many holes.”

Again, he kept wearing the holey underwear never letting go of what I thought should be embarrassing. He wasn’t embarrassed.

A third time I brought over three brand new, freshly washed, gray Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I was certain this would be a successful feat. I nonchalantly opened his drawer, and carelessly threw in the boxers so he wouldn’t notice anything out of order. If I folded them or even placed them neatly, he’d know they were from me.

A few days went by and I came over for some dinner and a Netflix only to find him on the couch pulling on the errant strings of his holey underwear.

I had no choice. Without a seconds delay I surprised him by pulling off his underwear and running to the trash to rid me of them for good. I then went for the drawer to find the others. Coming up empty handed I went back to the living room where I had left him sitting.

And there he was, on the couch with the darned underwear back on. He had gone and pulled them out of the trash. I’m not sure if they were stinky before this incident, I never got close enough to notice, but I’m certain they were stinky now.

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