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New Year, New Decade: How will you be taking care of you? How will you approach love & relationships?

Posted Dec 30 2009 9:00am

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As not only a new year, but a new decade approaches, it’s time to ask yourself what you’ll be doing and how you’ll be spending your time.

1. Is it time to say that you no longer want to be stuck? Relationship insanity is continuing to do the same thing in or out of your relationships but expecting different results. If you’re stuck, it’s time to accept that the answer in coming unstuck lies in you. Continuing to do more of the same and hoping that everything and everyone will shift around you could see another year or decade whizzing by. Is this how you want to live your next day, week, month, or year(s)?

2. Relationships require a leap of faith. Without trust, you have nothing, so are you prepared to take a leap of faith on you? Are you prepared to trust that if you love yourself, and act with trust, care, and respect towards you and opt out of your previous relationship pattern, that you will have and find happiness?

3. Are you ready to live in the real world? Can you deal? If you hold onto illusions, you hold onto lies, making it harder for you to actually move forward and build real happiness. You can have pretend love, but the reality is, the other person’s not feeling it, and in reality, neither are you. If you get real, you can start to address your life from a real perspective so that you can get happy.

4. Wouldn’t it be better to work on being happy now instead of hoping that someone will make you happy in the future, if they only changed X, Y, and Z and realised A, B, and C? Are you going to hold out for someone who doesn’t exist yet and miss out on enjoying now? Are you going to invest in someone who doesn’t exist anyway because you’ve shrouded him in illusions, or wait for someone to change in the hope of being happy one day? Do you really want to be in relationships where you’re hoping that one day you’ll be happy? Or even thinking ‘One day my prince will come’?

5. Are you ready to have an ‘enough’ moment? Surely there has to be a limit. How much more airtime and mental energy are you going to give to Mr Unavailable’s, assclowns, and anyone else who wants to have a go at not treating you right?

6. Do you know that if you can have a hand in creating your own pain, you can have an even bigger hand in creating your own happiness?

7. Are you ready to accept that if you carry enough negative beliefs about yourself, love, and relationships, that you will find relationships that reflect these beliefs rather than challenge them? If you don’t accept this and challenge and adapt your beliefs accordingly, you will keep being involved in dubious relationships and feeling personally unhappy. Unfortunately negative beliefs do give you the relationship you believe in because you don’t believe in a different type of relationship when confronted with it.

8. Are you willing to make a different choice or accept the choice you’ve made? Don’t get me wrong, I understand that your guy may have undesirable traits about him that you have pointed out and expressed your desire for change for, but there comes a point where you either accept the man and work with what you have…or let go, and focus on being with someone who has those values rather than has them imposed upon them. You can’t stay and complain and will, hope, and demand for change just because you don’t want to make a different choice.

9. Can you embrace you? Warts (and I bet you don’t have any) and all, can you realise that if you don’t at least like, nevermind love yourself, and accept you through unconditional of yourself, it is difficult to expect someone else to see the greatness, especially when you’re not going to believe them anyway and are programmed to expect the worst. Learn to like, love, trust, and respect you and you’ll stop depending on the undependable and recognise when people devalue your life.

10. Can you cut contact or at least accept that it’s over and give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship? Feel the pain, feel the loss, feel the emotions so that you can work your way through them instead of throwing yourself back into and at the source of pain and delaying the process.

Your thoughts?

My ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl is my guide to understanding the dynamic between emotionally unavailable men and the women that love them and is available to buy and download.

For personal advice or analysis of your relationship/situation, check out my consultation service. Don’t forget, you can now use the forum and social network to chat with other readers. Follow Baggage Reclaim on Twitter too.

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