My BF wants to try anal sex , but I’m not so sure I’m into it. It’s a bigger commitment on my “end,” so to speak! What do I do?
Oh, honey! This is a question for the ages and I’m so glad you asked it. There are two schools of thought: (1) It’s great and everyone should try it. (2) No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Yes, I’m pulling quotes from the Sex and the City series – those ladies had some good advice!
Let’s start with the “It’s great” theory first. Anal sex – with the right partner and the right lube – can be a lovely experience. If you choose to do this, have a frank talk with your boyfriend beforehand. He already knows you’re a bit nervous; if you agree to this, you get to call the shots. He needs to be gentle – he also needs to be willing to use lubricant and a condom . Your vagina and anus are separated for a reason – he can’t pull out and enter you vaginally in the middle of anal sex.
Be sure to let him know that health and safety come first, even before the two you. Now on to the fun stuff! If you’re feeling good about your talk, go for it. There’s no harm (with proper precautions) in trying something once. You might find that you love it – in which case you can consider adding it to your repertoire. If you didn’t enjoy it, you don’t have to do it again. At least you’ll be basing your “no go” from a position of experience.
And here’s the “flip side,” so to speak. No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Of course this is an antiquated notion – anyone who would judge you for experiences you’ve chosen to have can shove off, in my book.
What I mean to point out via this example is: What’s the state of your relationship? Is he pushing you into trying something you don’t want to do? Is the decision to try anal based on a last ditch effort to save your coupling or is it based on a mutual agreement to spice things up? If you guys are on the rocks, he might be pushing for anal so he can try it before he dumps you.
Sound harsh? Imagine how you’ll feel if you give in to something you’re not comfortable with only to find yourself single weeks later. Why give it up for someone who doesn’t care? If the relationship is sound but this isn’t your preferred way of adding something new to your sex life, talk with your BF then buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. There are plenty of other sex positions out there that don’t involve the ass.
Snoop Dogg once said “You can’t make a ho a housewife.” If you can’t, I’ll never get married. Seriously, the “no one marries the up the butt girl is” stupid and untrue. Your marital charms are not based on any particular sex act. If he likes you, he likes you, pure and simple.
IF you’re concerned about anal sex and don’t want to do it, just tell him he can screw you up the ass right after you get to screw him in the ass with a sex toy . (See the ‘Bending Over Boyfriend” series for details if he actually agrees to it)
There’s No Reason To Be Scared
If you’re into it and are scared for whatever reason, don’t be. You are not the first person on the planet to want their boyfriend to do them in the butt (assuming you’re into that). It doesn’t mean you’re a slut or a whore, or that you’re going to hell. Just that you like it up the ass. It’s that simple. Raise your concerns whatever they may be with your man and go from there. You’ll be glad you did.
That is, unless this is some last ditch effort to save your relationship . If it is, than it won’t work. You can’t take it up the ass to save your relationship any more than you can have a baby to save it. This can enhance it, but if it needs saving, that’s a whole other issue.