I am starting to wonder if I have lost a bit of my mojo.
Not so much mojo in the terms of my magic, but more so in the terms of self doubt.
I haven’t met anybody in a long while who has peaked my interest. The last guy I was interested in was the last guy I was out on a date with. And that was some time ago.
Then a month or so ago, I met some friends at a restaurant. I didn’t want to drink that night so I sat with them and had an espresso. We sat out on the patio and the music was nice. The vibe was sexy. I was happy.
Beautiful people all around me, so you can imagine my surprise when my eyes landed on a man who was sitting at another table and my heart started skipping beats like a scratched CD. At first I thought it was too much caffeine. After all, he was dressed in an all white suit. I mean, last time I saw that was on Sonny Crocket. I leaned over to my friend and said, “I don’t know what it is about Miami Vice over there, but I think he is absolutely adorable.”
It wasn’t just his looks I was attracted to. It was what happened the first time our eyes locked. It was one of those moments when you finally realize you haven’t taken a breath because a small gasp escapes your mouth in the attempt to capture it again.
I didn’t know who he was. He was with a table full of people and a very hot girl was sitting next to him. So I resigned to enjoying my espresso and my friends all the while tucking away in the back of my mind the question of what it is in humans that draws them to one certain person while in a room full of people.
But it is safe to say that Miami Vice, who has since been referred to as the slush/crush in my posts, had peaked more than my interest that night. I left and didn’t think another thought of it.
Then the next time I went to the restaurant I was on my way to the restroom when I looked up and locked eyes with a man walking out of the kitchen area. I knew those eyes and I recognized that skipping heart beat. It took a second for me to realize it was “Miami Vice”. I smiled as I walked through the restroom and didn’t even care that I had three women in front of me in line. I was in a daze wondering if maybe I was mistaken.
I went back to my table and looked up and his eyes were on me this time. “Yep”, I thought to myself. It was definitely Miami Vice.
I wondered why he was there; dressed in a suit from the year 2008 and coming out of the kitchen. “He obviously works here”, I thought to myself.
When the percussionist playing for the restaurant that evening came and sat with my friend, I took the opportunity to ask him who the man was that I couldn’t take my eyes from. My heart sunk a bit when he replied back that he was the owner of the restaurant. For some reason I liked it better when he was Sonny Crockett, dressed all in white and so adorable that I wanted to go over and plant a kiss on him right then and there.
The rest of the night we continued to catch eyes, yet never speaking.
The next time I went same scenario. Except this time the people standing with me noticed him studying me. Whew, I thought. At least I wasn’t imagining the whole thing.
I was a bit gun shy in assuming he was looking at me for any particular reason. I had an eye opening experience once in this department and that is with no pun intended- you will find out why after I explain.
My friend and I were at this little French bistro in Los Angeles. We were sitting inside and there was a man facing us, sitting out on the patio. All we could see was his upper body. My friend thought he was really cute. Some time passed and my friend leaned in and said, “Don’t look up right away because I don’t want it to be too obvious, but that guy sitting on the patio has been checking me out the whole time we have been here. Should I wait or send him over a drink? Do you think that is too aggressive of me?” I told her, “Send him over a drink!” Mostly because I was ready to leave and didn’t really want to sit around to find out.
So the waitress sent him over a drink from my friend. He turned his head our way and lifted the glass as if to say thank you. My friend continued to swear he was really into her because of how much he was looking at her. So you can imagine I almost passed out when he got up and walked towards our table with a golden retriever at his side. Yep! You guessed it! He was blind.
I had to get up and leave them there talking because I was so in shock at the hysteria of my friend swearing up and down that this guy was so into her and checking her out all night, yet he was blind.
You can see why I didn’t want to jump to conclusions here.
Now, there are several places to go in Nashville. Not many, but certainly more than this restaurant I was sitting in while admiring Sonny Crockett. But I have found myself there, over and over and every time I wonder if I am going to feel the same when I see him and every time I do.
Problem is, I am sure he is a smart guy and can probably figure all of that out. Also, the only time I drink at all is when I am there and it probably looks like I am a wild child. I drink because I am nervous like a little school girl. That and my friends keep buying me drinks. But never the less, I am tipsy by the end of the evening and secretly harboring this desire to talk to him, somewhere other than there and sober for that matter!
To cut to the chase, last night I met one of my guy friends there for dinner. I haven’t seen this friend in 5 years. So we were happy to see each other and to tell the truth, I was a bit relieved that Miami Vice wasn’t there to fuel my giddy nervousness.
I went to say hello to someone and when I came back to the table my friend had ordered shots of chilled tequila. I said, “Man, I am not doing shots at 7 p.m. or at all tonight.” My friend replied back, “You will drink that shot because they are $40.00 a shot!” “What???? That is a tank of gas!” I replied. Needless to say, I took the shot.
Time passed and I was out on the patio with my friends when I looked up and saw Miami Vice walking up. He smiled and looked happy to see me as he said hello. Even though everything had slowed with the tequila, my heart was racing.
We were about to leave so I walked in to say goodbye to some friends and as I passed him he grabbed my arm. We talked for a little bit and this time was natural and at ease. There is something in me that just wants to touch him when I see him. Not in an overly sexual manner, although that is certainly present. But more from a very affectionate feeling I get. So I had to consciously make the effort to keep my hands and my lips to myself throughout our conversation.
I left with my friend and we went to his recording studio to listen to some of his new tracks. When we decided to call it a night we both realized we had left the restaurant without remembering to pay for the last bill we had outside. So my friend drove me back and I hopped out and went back in to pay up!
Miami Vice was standing out on the patio talking with some people when we pulled back up. I stood talking to the bar tender about the tab as I looked out the windows and saw him. It was then and there I decided to let the tequila make the decisions. I pulled out my business card - “It is now or never”, I thought to myself.
I walked out to the patio hands unsteady and my eyes down in shyness. I placed the card in his hand. The warmth from his hand made my fingers tingle with electricity. He asked, “What is this?” With my back to him, walking back to the truck I replied, “My card.” I couldn’t bring myself to turn and see his face or his response.
I woke up this morning and stared at the ceiling. As I stretched my body the memory of leaving my number came flooding in and I put the pillow over my face as I let out a moan. Curse tequila! I questioned whether I had made a mistake that couldn’t be taken back now. This feeling I have is not a feeling of wanting a one nighter; or a fling for that matter. And I didn’t want leaving my number to be taken that way.
This guy has me intrigued beyond that. I decided to stop beating myself up and accept that what will be, will be.
Just like my best friend always says, “You can’t do the wrong thing to the right person. And you can’t do the right thing to the wrong person.”
But I will say I am not holding my breath!
My work here is done. Now it is time to sit back and see what, if anything will ever come of it…