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Men Angrily Object to My Summer Infidelity Campaign

Posted Aug 26 2008 4:19pm
Men seem to have a major problem with my Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign .

Apparently they resent the fact that the campaign centers exclusively on cheating men. They’re complaining that men have been unfairly targeted as “summer cheats” since the Campaign excludes cheating women.

As part of my annual Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign, I have compiled a tip sheet telling wives how to spot the signs of summer infidelity, and how to short-circuit or prevent their husband's summer affair.

I’ve issued press releases to the media, posted summer infidelity articles on my website at and on my blog (see previous June and July blog entries), and have been a guest on a number of talk shows discussing various aspects of summer infidelity.

Thus far I’ve been quoted in several print and online publications, blogs, and message boards including Newsday , , The Hartford Courant , the South Florida Sun Sentinel , amNewYork , Wireless Flash News, and Netscape Women's Forum , just to name a few.

The article by Pat Burson of Newsday entitled High Season for Cheating , and the article by Hollie McKay of entitled Summer’s Fatal Attraction: Sex Behind Your Partner’s Back have appeared in several newspapers around the country, on the websites of several TV stations and have been posted on several blogs including the , The Atlanta Falcons message board , , WPIX in New York, in Los Angeles, in Houston Texas, www.kptm in Omaha,Nebraska, and in Chicago.

The comments in the forums at href="">Newsday and the South Florida Sentinel show just how angry some of these men are.

Though Pat’s article acknowledges that women cheat too, and even includes a sidebar listing the reasons why men cheat and why women cheat , ( excerpts from my website ) men call the article sexist because it doesn’t discuss women who cheat.

Why Men Object

It’s interesting to note that not all men object to the summer infidelity article for the same reason.

Some men are annoyed because I describe the 3 types of men who are especially prone to having short-term summer affairs (I say “If the shoe fits – wear it.” Evidently some of my comments struck a little too close to home.)

Other men are outraged because I exposed some of the tactics cheating men use to hide their summer affairs. (If your wife or girlfriend knows what you’re up to she can stay one step ahead of you, and maybe head off your summer fling at the pass.)

Numerous men accused me of creating paranoia, suspicion or distrust among women. (I’m merely alerting women to the telltale signs of something that may already be going on. Unless you’re having, or planning to have a summer fling, you have nothing to worry about.)

In his blog entry entitled, Insulting to Men and Women Alike , blogger Jeff Fecke commented at length on the Newsday summer infidelity article, calling it “overwrought tripe, and referring to myself and the other authors and experts Pat quoted as “fear-mongers”

Quite a number of men, like the blogger at in his post entitled East End Infidelity: Do You Know Where Your Husband Is ? even resorted to personal attacks. (I wonder why.)

Some men, and a few women too, feel I’m making “much ado about nothing.” (But summer flings don’t always end when summer is over, as you can see from this article . )

Why the Campaign Targets Men

There’s a perfectly valid reason why my Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign targets cheating men rather than cheating women. Having researched infidelity for the past 14 years, I’ve observed that married men are much more likely to have short-term summer affairs (summer flings) than married women.

Even the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy found that men are more likely to be tempted than women, reporting that between 50 % and 60% of married men engage in extramarital affairs.

My observations about infidelity are based on thousands (yes, thousands, not hundreds) of interviews with infidelity victims both male and female, cheating men, cheating women, marriage and family counselors, private investigators who specialize in infidelity investigations, divorce attorneys, couples counselors, relationship coaches, therapists, sociologists, psychologists, and other professionals in the field.

These findings are the result of 14 years of poring over thousands of case histories, and countless infidelity studies, statistics, surveys and polls. Far from being a figment of my imagination, the infidelity books, articles , and tip sheets I write are based on solid research.

Studies indicate that 50% - 70% of men cheat on their mates. According to currently available statistics, infidelity affects 80% of all marriages and committed relationships today. When you factor in emotional infidelity, same sex infidelity, workplace infidelity, financial infidelity, and yes – female infidelity, I’d say that figure is closer to 90%.

Why I Research and Write About Infidelity

Yes, I was once a victim of infidelity. Those who are curious, can read my personal story entitled Discovering Infidelity – One Woman’s Story which is posted here. Far from being a “bitter, vindictive, shrew with a personal vendetta against all men”, as some disgruntled men suggested, I have been happily re-married for 7 years now to a wonderful man who values the sanctity of marriage as highly as I do. Coincidentally, he too, was a victim of infidelity. His first wife cheated on him.

Basically I’m optimistic that the more practical infidelity information made available to people who can benefit from it, the more marriages that can be saved. The fact-finding mission I embarked upon 14 years ago, when as a journalist, I accidentally discovered my now ex-husband’s extramarital affairs, has since become my life’s work.

There are lots of myths and misinformation out there about infidelity. There’s also a lot of useful infidelity information out there people can benefit from which is not easily accessible, or not so easy to find. I promised myself that once I’d recovered from my ordeal, I’d share the results of my infidelity research with the people who need it most.

The Purpose of the Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign

The purpose of my Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign is not to create paranoia or distrust among couples, but to alert women to the danger of summer infidelity , and tell them how to safeguard their marriages and relationships from summer affairs. The Summer Infidelity Campaign differs from my Valentine’s Day Infidelity Awareness Campaign and my Christmas Infidelity Campaign in that the latter two target both cheating women and cheating men.

The books, articles , and tip sheets I write, the Infidelity Awareness Campaigns I run three times a year, and the interviews I do on the topic of infidelity are all aimed at saving marriages, or minimizing the damage infidelity can cause. My goal is to arm people with the information they need to detect or prevent infidelity, or to safeguard their marriage / relationship.

My book, Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs is the first in what will be a series of books written to help people deal with various infidelity issues ranging from discovery to recovery. The more practical, immediately-usable infidelity information I can share with others, the more marriages that can be saved. And if anyone has a problem with that– so be it.

For more information about infidelity, visit my website

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