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Married and Cheating: They Told You So

Posted Jul 03 2008 4:12pm
You've probably heard the old story in one form of another. A farmer is out working in the land when several of his neighbors come by to watch him. After performing all the chores, the neighbors compliment him on his efforts and go out of their way to assure him of a great harvest this year.

Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond his control, all the hard work was for naught. At gathering time, the farmer realizes the yield is going to be very poor. That is the cue for all the neighbors who were cheerleading his efforts to one by one knock on his door and tell him where he went wrong. In other words, they told him so.

The same thing also extends into marriage, specifically marital infidelity. Suddenly many of the people in your circle that heaped effusive praise on your spouse are now showing up at your door to tell you they knew all along he or she was no good. It seems also that a little voice told them early on your spouse is the kind of person that cheats.

Does it end there? You wish. Now they sit you down and give you a detailed analysis of your flaws. Didn't know you had so many did you? Gosh if only you had said this or done that then this whole mess could have been avoided. They tried to tell you all of this in the beginning but those darn flaws of yours got in the way of you listening to them.

It's amazing how many of us become qualified experts about someone else's relationship. It's also mind boggling how much of this knowledge is gained after the fact. Now everybody comes out of the shadows to jump on the "I told you so" bandwagon. You're not unfamiliar with this mindset from your fellow human beings so it does not come as a complete shock to you; even when you factor in the "here's what you do now" bandwagon that is also working its way to your front door.

That's not to say that you should close yourself down to any and all criticism. Sometimes an outside perspective can do wonders to see where you may have gone wrong. But the reality of a cheating spouse can be a physical and emotional drain and the last thing you need is other people coming around to undermine your strength even more. Their critique of you should be based on love and respect for you; not ego gratification where they pat themselves on the back for giving you the greatest advice you ever had.

More than anything they should be there unconditionally for you. That means oftentimes just listening. You already know what you are going to do so you don't need any advice or somebody to tell you where things went wrong. You need a sounding board because for the next month or maybe longer, you need to vent. Sure at some point even that gets old but a good friend or a close relative can be that buffer zone to make sure your anger goes no further than talk.

When it comes to dealing with a cheating spouse a quality support group can do wonders for you. But be careful of the wolves in sheep's clothing. People who are in the "I told you so" mode may think they are really helping you. Sadly in many instances after they are done, you feel worst than before.

About the Author:

Article written by Daryl Campbell -The Relationship Tip – How to find out in just3 minutesif your spouse is cheating on you.

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