Marriage Advice: Communication for a Troubled Marriage
Posted Mar 02 2010 11:51pm
I am a 25 yr old who is married with 3 children. I am married to my first love. We are having problems in our marriage . We are not really communicating and it is to the point where the kids are emotionally affected. He tends to have his family intervening in our marriage.. I love him and I am willing to reconcile. But it takes two to mutually agree upon something. I am currently in school for Chemical Dependency Counseling and I am also going through my mental disorders at certain points in my life. Two years ago I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression/Psychosis Disorder. Is there any advice that you give me. As far as ways to help build our lack of communication ? Thanks for your time and patience.
It sounds like you’re having a rough time – and it must be really hard to see your kids being impacted. Children are like little sponges that soak up their environments, what messages they’re receiving from mom, dad or other primary caregivers. There are a lot of intervening factors here including extended family and your mental health .
You’re right, “it takes two” to engage in the process of opening lines of communication and doing the work to strengthen the foundation of your relationship. If there is conflict, violence, yelling and other unhelpful behaviors, you are potentially damaging your children and maybe it’s with that spirit you can both come to an agreement about seeking therapy – for the benefit of the kids which in turn can turn into the benefit of your marriage.
At the end of the day, your marriag e is your marriage and nobody else’s. The more people that get entangled in it, the more potential for triangulation between family members, taking sides and causing further distress to a distressed relationship. Sit your husband down when you are calm and tell him first how much you care about him and the marriage – and voice your concern about how your problems are impacting your children. Be careful not to blame but rather take it on as a problem to be shared and worked on. With all of the pieces to this puzzle, I would also recommend you two seek marriage counseling .