The very first consideration in managing long distance relationships is your personality. Can you handle not seeing the guy you love for long periods of time? Do you freak out if he doesn’t answer his phone when you want him to? Do you get lonely and depressed if you don’t have someone to hold? Do you flirt a lot and love attention? Do you have strong sexual urges that compel you to do “things?”
Can you really handle being so distant from your best friend?
It’s OK if you answered yes to a few of those, it’s completely natural to loose your cool when faced with managing a long distance relationship. You best defense is to not lose it on your far away guy. He’s actually dealing with some of the same issues as you.
Next, let’s look at him. Does he get very jealous? Is he trustworthy and laid-back enough for this to work? Is he super flirty with the girls? When he’s around, is he clingy?
Your best bet for coping with a long distance relationship is to pick a good team in the first place. If you are both smart, realistic, reliable, and accepting people, then this is just a speed bump in your great relationship. If you guys fight all the time, have trust issues, and really can’t stand being apart, then this will try your patience and could end in heartache.
Why is one of you moving away? This also indicates how well things will work out. If one of you is going away to college for the first time, we won’t sugar coat it: there will be temptation. Being free from your parents for the first time can lead to freedom overload. That’s not to say that you or he is not trustworthy. And really, no one is doing anything maliciously. There’s just… temptation in this situation that you or he would never get yourselves into at home.
Perhaps one of you is away for a new job. New jobs leave very little time for goofing off, but the one at home might start to feel neglected. Moving away from someone you love means you have to balance your new life and still stay close to your boyfriend.
Discuss your expectations.
So what are the your options. It’s crucial you have a heartfelt conversation with your guy and be very about “the rules” including when you will see each other and what you both hope the plans for your future to be. Managing this long distance relationship calls for you to be specific. If you both agree that you will remain faithful to each other, then it must be said. If you agree that things don’t need to be so strict, then say it.
The more you get out in the open before leaving, the less guilt you’ll feel for kissing that cute guy in a club and the less jealousy you’ll feel when he mentions a new friend (who happens to be a girl).
Of course, long distance relationships usually aren’t wrecked by infidelity. It’s really painful to be away from the guy you’ve grown so close to. It’s easy to get upset and say things you don’t mean. The person who left is then stuck somewhere far away with no ability to make things right. It’s a maddening situation that can really test the strength of your relationship.
One person often decides they can’t handle the pain of missing the other so badly. The breakup seems like the easiest way to deal with it. Do yourself a favor and get the eBook, 1000 Questions for Couples. It help you to ask the right questions of each other to really understand if you can make something long distance even work, plus it helps you to really understand why you love each other.
Your ability to be calm and roll with any long distance relationship problems will definitely make your life much easier. Be cool. Make sure you both agree to be cool. Agree that no one is allowed to get upset until they talk to the other person. It sounds simple, but the first time one of you isn’t able to answer the phone, it can be traumatizing.
Long distance relationships can really bring two people together provided you both have the temperament to pull it off. If you have a rocky relationship now, it’s possible things will only get worse. As long as you make staying in love your only goal, managing a long distance relationship won’t be that bad at all.